This weekend...
...may be my last on Earth.

For one afternoon every year it becomes completely apparent that my dearly beloved is one of those foreign type people with her weird foreign ways. Yes, we may be getting married later this year. Yes, we may be looking round for a bigger place with a room we can – hopefully – convert into a nursery one day soon. And, yes, after years of the kind of relationships that caused the sort of hurt, pain, and punch-ups you’d usually associate with the final few scenes of a Rocky movie, I finally know with absolute certainty that this is the one!!! But all that goes completely out the window for one weekend every year. This fucking weekend.

Last year was bloody awful. Ended up having my angelic little sweetheart screaming: “YOU FUCKING ENGLISH CUNT!!!” at me at the top of her petit little lungs just prior to launching into a rendition of some load of old bollocks originally sung by Shirley Bassey or Tom ‘you’ve got a bunch of pubes on top of your head’ Jones. Then she demanded I leave the flat for a bit on account of my general English cuntiness and the fact I wasn’t too much into the game between a load of blokes wearing red and another load wearing white on the TV. This was during the half time interval. THE FUCKING HALF FUCKING TIME FUCKING INTER-FUCKING-VAL!!! Fuck knows what would’ve happened if England actually went on and won the fucker...

...I may have actually woken up the next morning dead (if you know what I mean).

Yep. It’s the rugby. England vs. Wales. Or, to put it another way, Those Imperialist Pig Dog SCUM Oppressors vs. The Peaceful Musical Druid Nation of Gentle Sheep Herders Who Welcome the Sons and Daughters of Every Other Nation of the World (except for the fucking English) into their Lush Green Valleys with the Quaint Road Signs and Village Names Written in Fucking Klingon.

Now, I suppose the English and Welsh rugby teams are famous in their own circles. (Personally not my cup of tea, all this picking up the ball and running with it while simultaneously attempting to rip the throat out of your opponent, well, it’s just not cricket). But I’m not too sure which team I should be hating. If England win, my usually loving, tender girlfriend will probably end up stapling my English bollocks to the wall before she goes out on the hunt for some Welsh cakes, some Welsh rarebit and a pint of Brains. But, on the plus side, and England win would be pretty damn amusing to me. If Wales win, she may just settle on rubbing in how superior the Welsh are at the fifteen aside game for the next few months while I get on with the important business of ignoring her and counting down the days til the proper World Cup with the round ball starts in the summer.

It’s all a little pointless, really. The Mrs. and I will still – despite the result tomorrow – be out and about flat hunting on Sunday. We’ll still be getting married later this year. Let’s face it, hating celebs is pretty damn pointless. Who gives a shit at the end of the day what some fucker you’re never going to meet says or does that you find annoying. If it annoys you, just turn the TV off, tune to a new radio station, or put down the newspaper. Hate... life’s too fucking short.

And as for which team I ‘hate’ more, England (cuz if they win I’ll have a load of aggro from the Mrs.) or Wales (cuz, well, I am English at the end of the day and it’s in my blood to want the team in white to win, even though this may lead to a little Welsh shoutiness on a certain street in North London)....

All I can say is here’s hoping for a draw... How about a QOTW about which celeb/historical figure we admire most instead??? Or, alternatively, which celebs got the biggest cock???
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:36, 21 replies)

Yeah,
Not been my favourite QOTW, not found a good story yet. I care as little for peoples opinions on celebrities as I do the celebrities themselves...
Rugby though? Hopefully a quiet day for me then.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:41, closed)

You may have a point with the futility of the celeb-hatred...
..but you've got to admit that Jordan is (and probably has) a monumental twat.

Best of luck with the flat-hunting and forthcoming nuptials, sir.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:43, closed)

Got it in my head I want to live in Seven Sisters
Never been there, don't know what it's like. But I just want to be able to say to a business colleague or a client: "I spend most of my time in Seven Sisters." And see if I can keep a straight face or finish the sentence there without adding: "and its bloody tiring after you've done the first three."
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:46, closed)

If you like Turkish smack dealing gangs and prostitutes
it's fucking brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:51, closed)

It's just
lovely.

Oh wait.No. No it's not.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 6:52, closed)

Best. Description. Ever.
That gets a click from me, even though I'm Welsh, just for the Klingon bit. Legend!
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:49, closed)

Fair plays mate
I think the Welsh are fucking great. Witty fuckers, most of um. Just don't get the whole 'Wales can lose to any team except England' mentality. If England did that in football, say with the Germans, people would be fucking annoied...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:52, closed)

Sir Ian McKellan
But I think that he'd still be a gentle and considerate lover.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:49, closed)

Hang on a minute Spanky
I've read enough of your posts to know that you are NOT English. You are half Irish and half Italian, n'est-ce pas?

Why not support Scotland or France as they are the only teams in the six nations that neither you, nor your misses have any allegience to?

By the way, I'm a life-long Wales supporter due to the fact that when I was a lad back in the 1970s, the Welsh team were superior to all others, with their JJ and JPR Williams, Gareth Edwards and Phil Bennett et al.

I've booked the sofa from 1pm to 7pm tomorrow, so DON'T DISTURB ME.

See you all Monday.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:52, closed)

Born in Cov
so English in my book.

Funny thing is I like supporting shit teams. All my mates wonder why I don't follow Italy in the footie (on account of them being successful at it). And I usually say: "Can't support a team that uses that much Brylcream. Just can't bring myself to do it..."
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:56, closed)

There you go then
support Italy in the rugby.

That shouldn't upset anyone!


p.s. Did you see that Micheal Portillo train thing in Coventry? It looks like a nice place!!! One of you is lying! I hope it's not you Spanky.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:11, closed)

Ha !
Me lie??? Fuck no!!! Wouldn't dream of it. Don't own a TV so don't know what this Mick Portillo thing is you're talking about. Coventry in a good light??? I find that harder to believe than the entire Roswell Incident thing. Its an absolute fucking shitpit. Makes Hackney look like Kensignton & Chelsea.

Italy... rugby... hmmmm... no. Just, NO!!! Think I'll support Canada instead. Some fuckers got to.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:18, closed)

"Team in white"
Curiously when I went to see England v. Argentina recently at Twickenham they were in purple. This was explained to all present through a handy A3 sheet of purple paper on each seat, which said that it was something to do with the tracksuits being purple back in the eighties?

England played diabolically and soon everyone attending discovered that making those purple sheets of paper into paper aeroplanes and throwing them down onto the grass was actually much more interesting than watching the game.

Every now and again someone would get one onto the pitch, the crowd would spot it descending, starting a rising "...ooooOOOOOO!!" chant that culminated in a huge cheer when the plane made a gentle landing on the play area. In fact the loudest applause of the whole game was for the person right at the top of the stadium who managed to get theirs though the posts, thus putting Jonny Wilkinson to shame.

Towards the end of the first half an announcement came over the tannoy: "would everyone please stop throwing objects onto the pitch. This is an international sporting event, please stop throwing objects onto the pitch."

Of course you can imagine what happened next. After a perfect comic pause, hundreds, nay thousands of purple paper planes sailed down through the sky towards the pitch below, looking like a purple blizzard or some bizarre childrens' reenactment of the Battle of Britain.

The players just stood and watched in resignation, understanding that this was a pitch-perfect comment on their performance.

Made me proud to be English.
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:57, closed)

There are two reasons that England played in purple that day
1. It's a long-standing tradition that in rugby the home side wears a different strip when required due to a colour clash. It is the hospitable thing to do after all.

2. Having decided that, despite it never being a problem in the previous ten or so games between the two sides, white is indistinguishable from blue and white hoops, somebody saw an opportunity to sell more merchandise.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:45, closed)

Well it did appear thus to me...
...but there was a large amount of gumpf about the "return to royal purple" or somesuch bollocks.

In fact it was much like this press release from Nike:
www.rfu.com/News/2009/October/News%20Articles/291009_Eng_Change_Kit.aspx
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 17:55, closed)

Allegedly
Liam Neeson's got a gigantic cock, according to James Ellroy.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:09, closed)

Kevin Smith says that too
So, in the interest of science, we somehow need to source a photo of Liam Neeson's cock for verification purposes...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:14, closed)

Hmm.
I might wait until I'm not at work to do that...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:56, closed)

Oh and a click for
the suggestion that we should have a 'person we most admire' qotw. A bit of a positive vibe wouldn't go amiss here sometimes!
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:26, closed)

Cynthia Plaster
claims it's Clint from out of Pop Will Eat Itself
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 16:16, closed)

The last couple of years
I have been brought up to support the Welsh against our "English oppressors" in the game of Wonky Football where we are all made to apparently wear our hearts on our shirts and sing "Gwlad" until my fucking tonsils fall out.

All me mates and various drinking establishments became homage to myself and a select few others getting alcohol blindness while watching the 6 places battle each other for something or other. Yey.

This year I litterally cannot be fucked. The big England-Wales match begun, and I thought fuck this and fired Diablo 2 up for a bit.

Ohh, got a Firedruid on the go, done a few quests too :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 21:39, closed)