A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet
For reasons which escape me now, my mother has a maternal need when in public to humilate me in front of others.

Naturally over the 21 years of my being this has slowly eroded all traces of self confidence, but in recent years I realised this isn't typical motherly ridicule. Oh no, dearest Mumsie will make eye contact with people passing by, point at me and randomly exclaim such classics as 'well it's not much fault you've put so much weight on'(I'm a foot taller than her, weigh a stone less and am suprisingly under the recommended BMI bollocks)

Every time I'd ask why she does it, I'd get the guilt trip of 'why, are you ashamed of your own mother?' and so on until I feel even worse about myself.

So business continued as normal until a hospital visit the other day to see some family. We're patrolling the echoing result of a cash-starved NHS avoiding the Mrs.A when mother notices a sullen looking old fella shuffling towards her in the opposite direction. Concluding that he needs cheering up in the best way she knows (at my expense), she decides to look him in the face, laugh and proclaim:

'Foxy, you really need to go on a diet, don't you? Doesn't he love?'

Aforementioned old fella, cool as a cucumber and without so much as a blink of hesitation lets out with:

'Leave him alone you chubby tart; he should be ashamed of you'

I was. And she did. The bigest shit eating grin exposed his few remaining teeth as he walked on by proudly.

Well done to you, good sir.

Apologies for lack of funny. My parents were mean to me.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Thu 27 Nov 2008, 13:27, 7 replies)

Have a click...
...bold toothy stranger.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 13:32, closed)

Have another...
...gotta go pee now. That made me laugh so hard!
(UK-Wookie thought dyslexia was a way to insult Lex Yeah, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 13:34, closed)

Some people
are actually jealous of their own children, hard as it is to comprehend.

A funny but also appalling tale, young Badger.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 13:40, closed)

You should have posted this earlier
it's quite funny
(Jeremy Paxmans Itchy Gusset, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 13:47, closed)

*
good story
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 14:04, closed)

S'funny, my mother used to do that to me too
until she tried it in front of someone she didn't know was a friend of mine and got a bollocking.

Have a click of solidarity!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:14, closed)

We must unite breathren!
Power to the people!

Although my missus is betting this definately isn't 'best' material. Damn her.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:45, closed)