USE THE FORCE
I was awestruck. Strange emotions raged through my puny eight year old body as I stood in line with my mum in Beaties in Northampton.

I clutched onto her hand tightly, feeling my stomach turn and flip. I was fucking excited! And I was also deeply, incredibly, absolutely scared shitless.

It's not everyday you meet this fella. I could see him only a few feet away signing some other kid's autograph book. He looked even bigger in real life, if that was at all possible.

My mum gripped my hand tighter, we shuffled forward in the queue, I became more and more scared and awed and quiet, and eventually it was our turn.

Without a word this mountain of a man reached down and took the photo out of my hand, signed it with a big black marker pen, and went to return it to me.

But I was confused.

This was odd.

I shouldn't have his autograph, I thought, he's the baddie! I've gotta do something about this weird situation. I just have to!

It was almost as if I heard on old camp British voice from another plane whisper: "Use the force, Spanky, use the force..."

So, in one sudden burst, I leapt forward and head butted this man hard.

Very hard.

So hard in fact that it made my ears ring and I went a bit wobbly.

And as I was an eight year old boy and he was a fucking giant of a man, I conveniently came up to his waist.

I ended up head butting him hard in the nuts.

He went down with a muffled groan, twatting his helmet on a shop display and sending small toy figures flying.

Then he said something very out of character, he said in a tiny muffled voice: "Jesus wept!"

Just as I was lining up the killer blow to the bonce with my Hi-Tecs, my mum pulled me away by the arm - she could tell I was about to put the boot in. She wasn't too pleased. As we were hurridly leaving I overheard the trailing shop manager tell her: "That's the third time it's happened today, don't worry about it, love."

Still remains one of my proudest achievements - the day I floored Darth Vader, Lord of the fucking Sith.

He's a bit of a pussy if you ever get to meet him in real life.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 21:50, 8 replies)

haaaaaaaahaha
just what I needed.

/giggles and clicks
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 22:10, closed)

The only sensible thing to do in that situation
have a click, mate
(Errin C, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 22:25, closed)

Oh God
I just lolled. In my office.

Damn you!
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 22:27, closed)

GREAT!
HA! Have yourself a click for that, you twat!
(Lizard King, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 22:30, closed)

You sound like such
a lovely child. HeeHeeHee. *clicky*
(Grrrrr Tigers, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 23:26, closed)

KAYwallity
I am not worthy but have a click anyhoo
(SBCkittencure, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 0:40, closed)

YOU HIT
THE GREEN CROSS CODE MAN IN THE NUTS!

Jesus man, have you no concern for the safety of this nation's children?
(rockdoctor, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:56, closed)

yes but no but
that is what I was thinking too, after I clicked that is
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 17:34, closed)