My attempt at devotion
A friend of mine is a bit celebrity obsessed. She goes to many conventions and her wall is plastered in photos of her hugging, kissing and "squidging" various famous men. I've always found her obsession to be kind of amusing, and so a while ago I made a challenge to her. Each of us picks one famous person and writes to them. Whoever gets the best response wins. I even set up a scoresheet:

No reply - 0 pts
Acknowledgement - 1 pt
Generic reply - 2 pts
Personalised reply (2 lines or less) - 3 pts
Personalised reply (3 lines or more) - 4 pts
A promise of a signed photo - 5 pts
A promise of a signed bit of memorabilia - 6 pts
Pants - 10 pts
Phone number - 20 pts
A date - 50 pts
Offer of sex - 100 pts
Offer of marriage - 1000 points

I had a trick up my sleeve. No, I'm not a particularly endearing person, and I have no real appeal in any respect. But I could improve my chances by writing to someone who was a) a bit quirky and b) not actually that famous.

I decided I would either write to Kristen Schaal or Joanna Newsom, since both fit the bill and both are extremely pretty, should my plan be *really* successful. In the end, I plumped for Joanna since I figured Kristen probably gets lots of quirky mail and Joanna, being a harp player, probably gets boring, pretentious mail, so she'd be more likely to notice my letter. I decided honesty would be the best approach.

"Dear Miss Newsom,

I am a masive fan of your music, and it is so refreshing to find a musician who is genuinely different and bold in her expression of her talents.

[I then went on to actually explain to her the rules of my game, and while she was probably happily spoken for, sending me a harp string or something would be great, because it'd mean I'd get 6 points!]

Oh, and please find enclosed a picture of a bin that's been painted to look like a cow. Isn't that wacky!?

Lots of Love

Me"

Suffice to say, I got nothing back. My friend, however, got the following email from Greg Proops.

"I'm afraid I can't post you any of my used underwear, since my wife is already angry at me giving so many pairs away. Sincerely, Proopdog."

I lost 3-0
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 20:37, 3 replies)

This
should just be round one!
(sailorspoon started wiping his own arse from, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 22:34, closed)

My thoughts exactly!
There is so much potential with such a scoring system.
(xanthine, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 5:53, closed)

/Fanboy
Oh man, I'd totally frame a pair of used Proop-shorts.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 16:28, closed)