Generic naughty schoolgirl
I picked her up outside her school* in my japanese car** and took her back to mine, with a strong and unmistakable smell of minge filling the car as she got in. At this point the first of only 3 minor hiccups occurred; I walked through the my door into the living room with her, hand in hand, to find it full of one of my housemate's*** friends that I didn't know were visiting, cue awkward "Hi, this is ****" and awkwardly rushing past them into the kitchen.

Once safely ensconced behind a closed door, she grabbed my hand and pressed it to her crotch. At this point I regretted not having taken any condoms with me when I went to pick her up as porking her in the kitchen with a living room full of my annoying housemate's friends would've been megalol. Instead, we retired to my bedroom.
[The bedroom, camera pans from window across to bed] The first thing she suggested we do was fire up my webcam***** and make a little recording, causing the 2nd minor hiccup, I declined this idea as it would've taken about 3 minutes to start up my PC, about the same to fire up the shit webcam software and another 5 painstaking minutes to get the bloody thing in focus, giving a total of up to 12 boner-killing minutes. I felt this would ruin the mood a bit and I didn't really want to see a recording of my own naked arse either so we carried on without.

With nudity and sexytimes commenced, she produced a double-ended dildo****** that she'd been walking around with all day in her schoolbag. I wielded this upon her and smote her ruin on the mountain and, with patience and persistence, made her cum so hard she went red in the face. This produced minor hiccup #3 as I found her going red in the face to be exceedingly funny, forcing me into a desperate situation of trying not to snigger while the girl I am connected to by a double-ended dildo is having a massive, heaving orgasm.

Moar sexytimes continued, including revelations that a week's cunt stubble looks weird but won't give you a stubble burn, my knuckles were too big******* to successfully fist her and that pelvic floor muscles can be enormously strong.


As proceedings came to a close, she had one more surprise in store; she was a smoker so I expected her to signal completion by compulsively lighting up. Instead, she demanded chips, which I complied with and was rewarded with her dildoing herself while I drove her to the chippy and then to her home********. She also offered to blow me on the way but I decided that negotiating Bradford's Inner Ring Road was dangerous enough without that distraction.


*after it had finished and I'd finished for the day so nobody was milling around, she wasn't in uniform as 6th Form/Y12&13 didn't wear uniform at that school. Also, I'd started seeing her a week before when she picked me up a club we both frequented.
**a K11 Micra
***I was at Uni
****how do you pronounce an angle bracket?
*****Again, it's Uni so my PC's at the end of my bed
******floppy, blue. I know you wanted to know. Length? About 14". Bit of a surprise when she pulled that out of her schoolbag...
*******even though I only take a small size in motorbike gloves
********I waited a few weeks before telling my housemate that he was sat in that seat while I was driving the housemates to Tesco.
(squigbobble existed, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 13:03, 12 replies)

 
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 13:21, closed)

^

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 13:31, closed)

~

(squigbobble existed, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 13:33, closed)

now then now then

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 13:44, closed)

I was a normal Uni student, not a mature one.
An immature one, if you will.
(squigbobble existed, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 14:12, closed)

Well I definitely believe all of this.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 13:51, closed)

Yes, it is the exact opposite of what happened.
For she was the Balrog and I did, in fact, smote her ruin on the mountain.
(squigbobble existed, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 14:13, closed)

Hmmm...
I've probably mangled the fecking Tolkien quote.
(squigbobble existed, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 14:18, closed)

Looks like Weepy Phantom is back.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 22:45, closed)

I see no not being upset, trolling of trolls happening.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 9:16, closed)

He replied to you saying how nobody was interested in what you had to say
He's deleted it now. Presumably in a rare moment of self-awareness.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 9:38, closed)

I'm sure it's pure coincidence that he always turns up to defend an OP when the OP is suggesting that they, the OP, may be a little bit nonce.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 15:07, closed)

lol fat virgin

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 14:26, closed)

Fictional child porn is okay, I think

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 15:05, closed)

Cf. /board

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 15:10, closed)

It's downgraded to a lesser offence
if you're not driving a Honda Accord.

EDIT: and that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.
(squigbobble existed, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 16:16, closed)

*********
********* copious footnotes are tedious when Terry Pratchett's does it, too.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 19:52, closed)

I find they add value*
*as a tool for winding people up.
(squigbobble existed, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 9:04, closed)

Yuan a tool for winding people up.
*spanner
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 18 Feb 2014, 11:49, closed)

Cheers.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 15:28, closed)