FantasistsEddie Spunkbubble says: I used to know a sad case who fancied himself as a bit of a 007 and bragged that he always carried a loaded 9mm pistol in his attache case "just in case". Overheard by an off-duty copper, he was asked to make good on his claim. A packed lunch, red face and a stern warning "not to act the twat" and he never did it again. Tell us of Walter Mitty types.
(
Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:40)
« Go Back
Even cyborgs have off daysI had a friend at school who was obsessed with Terminator 2. Or any military-based fantastical hero – he’d adopt the qualities of them and proclaim them his own. I remember him forcing me to watch as some tiny injury he’d suffered healed at a rate “FASTER THAN A NORMAL HUMAN,” me nodding politely as I stared at a completely fucking static graze for 25 minutes. When he was eleven he assured me he could squat 500lb. He was also the Yorkshire Pool Champion, having smashed all opposition in pubs throughout the county, aged 14. Fucking wally.
But yes, Terminator 2. Unfortunately he decided he was a cyborg. Normally this would be another one of his harmless bits of idiocy, but sadly for him, he was labouring under this particular misapprehension around the time he got into a fight with another kid. So what should have been a brief albeit exciting playground tussle was instead the excruciating sight of this utter nobhead walking with robotic determination towards his opponent while maintaining a blank expression, hands by his side, Arnie on his mind, relying purely on the irresistible force of his metal endoskeleton to ensure victory.
Naturally the lad he was fighting just started punching him in the face repeatedly, and the rest of us were soon treated to the once in a lifetime experience of having to console a sobbing T800. The best bit? Through his tears, which he insisted were merely a symptom of a cold, he managed to choke a semi-impassive "I'll be back."
(
Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:31,
11 replies)
This is excellentand deserves more recognition.
(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 14:46, closed)
Indeed(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 14:53, closed)
^what they said(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 16:42,
closed)
we have a winner
(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 16:45, closed)
HahahaI can vouch for the self healing shit..... witnessed first hand!
(
Hitler's Barber Soylent Green is high in saturated fat, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 0:21,
closed)
Alright mate.Should have known you'd clock this.
(
Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 14:01,
closed)
This is brilliance complete and utter brilliance. (
spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 9 Jun 2014, 17:50,
closed)
« Go Back