Confused...
OK, last one from me this week. Deliberating whether to share this, but fuck it – why the hell not?

Back in my younger days, early twenties, I developed a strange attraction for a person I worked with. This individual was witty, funny, great company, and all in all a throughly decent bloke. I’ll say that again: A – THROUGHLY – DECENT - .... BLOKE... Yes, for one brief summer I really did think I’d crossed over to the gay side – my secret love of the cock was pretty damn alarming, and I started drinking heavily. Got nothing against gayers, but the thought of having to take on a big hard cock scared the absolute shit out of me. I didn’t follow through with this bloke at work. He had a storming row with the boss one morning and left, never to be seen again. And that left a great big bicurious hole in my life (and possibly in my arse area), that needed to be filled.

So on my next trip to the smoke I went out with with a load of my gay mates (now comrades in cock) to the gay bars in Soho. And for the first time in fucking ages I was excited and exhillirated at the thought of getting my willy out in front of a total stranger for a frantic, drunken, fuck session. Only this time my partner wouldn’t have tits. This time it was going to be very different. It was going to be meat light sabre duels at dawn. I was going in for the cornhole and I was fucking loving it.

Anyway, being a bit of a weak-minded twat, I set about getting up a bit of Dutch courage. I sat and drank myself into a semi-stupor, scanning the pub for a fella who could take my gayboy cherry. But it just didn’t seem to work. I didn’t actually fancy any of them. In hindsight I realised this was because I’m a raging heterosexual, but at the time I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. I was in the captial of gayness and I wanted some hot manmeant. I went and got a load more drinks and necked them.

After an hour or so more of this an incredibly butch looking man approached me and we got chatting. Shit! Here we go. Hmmmm... Not exactly my type but... Ahh, a cocks a cock, I suppose. A few more double rums later and I find myself in a toilet cubicle with this man. I’m disgusted and excited, he’s a big man, tall, broad shouldered, a slight fuzz of facial hair and a fucking greased back quiff. I’m also pissed off my fucking tits.

He locks the door, turns, and starts rubbing his hand over my crotch. Disgusted but strangely excited I close my eyes and before you know it I’m playing tonsil tennis with a man. A big strong butch man. His hand expertly unzips my fly and pulls out my cock, I’m hard, very hard. He starts stroking his firm fingers up and down my shaft and in his deep masculine voice he says: “You like that, darlin? Hmmm? You like that?” And I fucking do. It’s absolutely fucking amazing.

And then – even though I’m not too sure what I’m doing – I reach over and undo the button on his Levis, I reach inside his pants, searching for his probably massive, tree trunk sized cock. And I find...

nothing...

Confused I dig a little deeper, my fingers probing through his wiery bush. Nothing! NOTHING? FUCKING NOTHING!!! And I reach down further, he’s still wanking me off, I can taste his beer on my lips and in my mouth as he probes and laps at my tonsils. And then I find it...

...a moist gash.

I pull back, disgusted: “You’re a fucking woman?” I slur. S/he lets go of my cock, starts to protest, points out her MASSIVE tits that I was too drunk to register. Starts swearing at me. I get the hell out of there and run off into the Soho night. Confused... Yep... Turned on.... Yep... Eventually I stopped, pulled myself together, puked, and realised I’m really not very gay at all. And then I vomitted some more. She was, without doubt, the ugliest fucking minger in the entire fucking world. And she’d just been wanking me off (which I suppose is a result of sorts)....
( SpankyHanky, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 17:30, 13 replies)

nooooooo........
I'd pulled my big thick cock out and was wanking at the thought of you taking one for the team... I couldn't wait to get to the end to hear you screaming with delight as you rode his big thick cock...

Now I just feel dirty...

I like it...
(acerboyz, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 17:57, closed)

Spanks.. I love your stories man..

that's all!
(Kip, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 18:09, closed)

...at the time I couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
Other way about surely?
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 20:28, closed)

Awesome as ever
And if you ever want one up the Junction you only have to ask...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 20:35, closed)

why didnt i offfer
He is so cute on his photo...

I could have hanky panky
With the gorgeous Spanky Hanky
He's tall and lanky
And I could have a wanky
(acerboyz, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 23:34, closed)

Back off bitch
I've already offered to stash a bit of salami in his chutney cupboard!

Dear sweet christ...what have we become?
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 28 Oct 2009, 8:58, closed)

Emvee
Junction - def a man-date. I promise not to try and force your cock in my mouth (not unless you buy me some drinks and treat me nice).

Acerboyz - have you actually seen my profile picky???

Carrot - Yes, what have we become... And you a man of medicine and all... (though I'm sure you can probably lay your hands on some prescription medicines that would enhance the overall gay experience).
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 9:56, closed)

Either that
or alternatively a large mallet and some NHS brand KY jelly....either's good.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 28 Oct 2009, 11:03, closed)

Sweet, it's a date
Lemme know if Liz wants to watch and I'll bring the missus
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 20:09, closed)

bwahahaha
I fucking like this. *bums*
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 5:14, closed)

OK, so to summarise...
..you're not gay - but you baled out of a cubicle encounter with someone because he/she didn't have a cock?

I see. Take a seat, and tell me when this all began....

*picks up notepad, takes lid off pen with teeth...*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 9:34, closed)

Hmmmmm
I think the only way I could convince myself I'm straight is by taking one in the mouth from some burly stranger in a gay pub in Soho... hang on... you may be onto something there...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 9:53, closed)

Please have...
the first click I've given for months.
you get better and better.
just. amazing.
(coderboi, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 15:42, closed)