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This is a question FIGHT!

Dr Preference wants to hear your stories about fighting. Ever started a fight? Ever seen a spectacular bar brawl? Or did you hide in a kebab shop when chased by West Ham football hoolies? The first rule of B3ta Fight Club is that you WILL talk about B3ta Fight Club.

(, Thu 14 Mar 2013, 11:04)
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Seen a few people taking the piss out of martial arts, thought I'd weigh in.

For the most part, a lot of so called "martial artists" are full of shit. The ones who can actually fight (that I've met at least) don't brag about it.


That doesn't mean Martial Arts don't work.

I have been studying Wing Chun for about 7 years or so. I used to take it very seriously, training 3 times a week, going on 10 day long training camps abroad, etc, etc.

A few years ago, I was walking home with a friend, drunk to the point of staggering. It was about 3am and there was no-one around. We turned a corner onto the road we both lived on, and came across about 6 lads, hanging around at the bottom of the street.

Thinking nothing of it we went to walk past them. One of them said something along the lines of "did you just call me gay?" My mate turned around and said "Eh?" the next thing we knew, 6 of them were beating the living shit out of him. For literally no reason.

He hit the ground, and they started kicking him in the face. I tried to stop them, and got punched in the face repeatedly. Two of them peeled off from the group and set on me. Instinctively, I started blocking punches, completely unable to see where they were coming from through a combination of being drunk, and having just been punched several times in the face. I was literally just shooting my arms out in the way I have drilled for 7 years. Occasionally I felt a connection as I managed to deflect their punches.

Now, I would love it if this story ended with me turning into Jackie Chan and taking them all on at once and kicking the shit out of them. But unfortunately life doesn't work like that, and they absolutely beat the fuck out of me, without me landing a single punch back in retaliation.

However, having realised they weren't getting through with many of their punches, they eventually stopped trying and fucked off.

I walked back round the corner to see my mate lying on his back, completely unconscious, in the middle of the pavement. I phoned an ambulance. i explained what had happened to the operator and she had me put the phone next to his mouth so she could hear if he was breathing or not. He wasn't.

Next, she talked me through how to do mouth to mouth resuscitation whilst we waited for the ambulance. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics went straight to him to revive him. One of them came over to me to see if I was alright.

"yeah, I'm fine, sort him out" I say.

"Have you seen yourself, mate?" he said.

I had a look in the wing mirror of the ambulance. I was absolutely plastered in blood - my mouth was split open, my nose was broken and bleeding and my eye was already swelling up. I couldn't feel any of it through adrenaline.

We went to hospital, and they X-rayed him to check he was alright. he was fine, thank fuck, but he was in shock, alternating between laughing hysterically and and crying because he couldn't process what had happened. This went on for about an hour before he calmed down.

Anyway - the point of all this: Martial Arts don't make you into some sort of unstoppable fighting machine that can take on all comers. But in my case, they saved my life, and my friend's life. The doctor told me afterwards that had I been knocked out, it would have been much, much worse as I wouldn't have been on hand to phone the ambulance and administer mouth to mouth, and my friend would likely have died.

Had I not been training for a few years by that point, my immediate reaction wouldn't have been to start trying to block everything. It would have probably been to flail wildly in their general direction trying to hit them, and then get knocked the fuck out. And then fuck knows what might have happened.

The epilogue to this story is that I went back to work for a week without realising I had a concussion. I eventually realised there was a problem when I kept being sent to do a job somewhere in the building, only to get to the location and completely fail to recall what it was I'd been asked to do no more than 60 seconds earlier. the police visited and took a statement and a description ("my height, shaved head, about my age" that was the best I could do). There were no witnesses, and the case was closed shortly after.

Occasionally, I see stories in the local paper about groups of lads beating the shit out of people for no reason whatsoever right near to where it happened, and I'm fucking positive it's the same people.
(, Sun 17 Mar 2013, 2:10, 16 replies)
What a bunch of cowards.
You should get some martial artist buddies, go back and beat the crap out of them. No moral quandary here, it might stop them doing it to other people.
(, Sun 17 Mar 2013, 2:32, closed)
It was a long time ago now,
but I maintain that had I been sober it might have been a better outcome for me and a worse outcome for them. But then, if I'd have been sober, I doubt they'd have attacked us in the first place.
(, Sun 17 Mar 2013, 2:34, closed)
I used to hang around with a bunch of bullies.
We used to call martial arts types 'Kung Fools' just to hear them say "My hands are lethal weapons but I'm sworn to only use them in self defense".
(, Sun 17 Mar 2013, 21:31, closed)
That was who I was referring to at the beginning of my post. All this "I have to register myself as being highly trained" bollocks that I've heard people come out with.

If you were to say that to some of the lads I know who really can fight (a few of them are cage fighters, bodyguards, soldiers, etc...) they'd probably reply by saying "yeah, alright mate" and giving you a roll of the eyes.
(, Sun 17 Mar 2013, 23:46, closed)
They'd probably
pull a can of mace out of their purse and try to spray me in the eyes.
You probably got a bit too much invested in all this. You're a bit excitable.
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 0:35, closed)

(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 2:30, closed)
No - that would be you.

(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 20:22, closed)
There's a Wing Chun near me
The special fried rice is excellent.
(, Sun 17 Mar 2013, 13:30, closed)
Glad you came out OK eventually
I’ve sparred many time with people that do Wing Chun, and I’ve found it’s a style that’s excellent for self-defence, but not so good for attacking (compared to styles with more kicks at any rate). Not saying it’s no good, far from it, but you probably did the best thing. Taking on more than one person is hard enough, so just surviving is a good strategy regardless of which style you do.

My karate style publishes a newsletter every few months, often with legal advice and how to deal with self-defence. Unfortunately, like soldiers, boxers or even bouncers, any martial arts training actually goes against you in court. Average Joe punches and kills someone when being attacked and he’s much more likely to get off than say a soldier who does the same thing.

That’s why if you get the upper hand, it’s not always a good idea to get caught.
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 7:24, closed)
People aren't taking the piss out of martial arts
They're taking the piss out of the people you mentioned - the ones who can't talk for more than a minute without letting you know they're highly trained killing machines.
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 9:39, closed)
I know exactly what you mean
I hate them!

Back in my day when I was a student of Do Re Mi art it was frowned upon by nearly of all my fellow novices, Chuck, Jean, Jackie, but, I don't want to drop names.

I was just saying to the Police Sergeant when making my fortnightly attendance to register and finger print my feet and hands for the federal lethal weapons bureau (and I don't even live in America) how the young karate men of today are so showy.

short: fuck I'm a dick
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:40, closed)
I am a highly skilled proponent of

You'd best watch what you say to me sunshine.
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:49, closed)
but without a Black Pudding, you are pretty much harmless.
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 19:31, closed)
I did Lau Gar Kung Fu for a few years....
It's a Northern (?) Chinese style of Kung Fu, lot of kicking involved.

It gave me a lot of confidence to know what to do in a fight.

The instructor was a big lad, probably 6' 3", hard as nails, that cat was a fast as lightning. One piece of advice he gave us has stuck with me about what to do if confronted. "If you can, run away"
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 13:34, closed)
is always the safest way to defend yourself. Practice running like fuck. If my mate hadn't have been there, those cunts wouldn't have seen me for dust.
(, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 17:08, closed)
This happened to a mate of mine
but the people that attacked him were dressed as skeletons. There was only one of him and he was dressed as a shower so it wasnt exactly a fair fight, but luckily dungeon master turned up in his PJs and beat up the attackers really slowly, by just kind of stepping side to side rand bending his knees.
(, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 13:24, closed)

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