Little vs large
Like a few of you I was as skinny as a rake while at school, never used to get beaten up much but there was the odd bit of verbal. Now if you know anything about me it's that I'm a shit fighter. I have no coordination and lose all limb control as soon as a tussle starts. Anyway, a friend of mine who went by the amusing nickname of Fatty Allen started some funny business one morning and after the odd bit of insults/pushing back and forth I sort of... well, snapped really. Like a wild but underfed jungle cat I leapt 'pon his ample frame and proceeded to maul the living fuck out of the poor kid. I'm talking scratching with my nails, biting, hair pulling the works. By the end of it he was crying so bad I felt enormous guilt, never lived it down even to this day. Of course being paraded around the schoolyard on the shoulders of the other children as the victor didn't help.
It all came back to bite me in the arse when we started the major comprehensive school a few years later. Unknown to me I'd gained this reputation as a bit of an expert fighter, a slightly effeminate green beret. And like Chinese whispers, Fatty Allen had been substituted instead for the hardest kid in the school, Darren Phelps... every day for about a year I'd have some idiot ask if I was the best fighter in the junior school, "well you must be if you took down Darren, c'mon, I'll 'ave ya" Got tiring pretty fast that.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 23:47, Reply)