My two A-level Chemistry teachers were real pyromaniacs
especially Mr. K, whose repertoire included the Thermit reaction, the ammonium dichromate volcano, popping hydrogen-filled balloons flavoured with metals to the explosions more colourful, and attaching one of these balloons to a stool by means of a string soaked in ethanol, then setting this on fire. However, his party piece was bubbling butane gas through a tray of soapy water, inviting people to scoop up the bubbles in their hands, then setting fire to the bubbles. He was the man.

My other chemistry teacher, Mr. S, was not as much the explosives enthusiast, but one of his best tricks was to pack a tennis-ball full of explosives, run a wire from it to a detonator, then blow it up from halfway across the playing fields. Even 200 yards away, you could feel the heatwave on its mission to scorch your eyebrows.

Now that I'm a second-year undergraduate chemist, I've seen plenty more ways of setting fire to things and blowing them up (one of the best is sparking hydrogen and pure oxygen together - very spectacular, and great if you want to make a miniature Hindenburg disaster.) Some of these are on my department's website. But one thing no-one so far has mentioned is the microwave; imagine what incendiary potential lies in a device that bombards any thing you put in it with high-energy radiation....

I didn't have to imagine it last year, when I'd got a block of butter in silver wrapping from the House Of No Milk* (the spreadable stuff had sold out) and stuck it in the microwave for a minute or so to soften it, as it had all the spreadability of a lump of granite. I knew something was up when the microwave started making ominous buzzing noises and flashing. I looked inside and saw the silver wrapper burning and sparking away. Miraculously, the butter was unspoilt, and some of it was spreadable! Get in!

I didn't have time to do any further experiments that morning, but when I got back, the first thing I did was to incinerate bits of kitchen foil in the microwave; talk about a fireworks display! It completely banjaxed the microwave, but it was getting old anyway, and the replacement had something called Chaos Defrost on it - get the fuck out!!

* The corner shop - so named because it never had any milk.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 3 Nov 2005, 19:22, Reply)