Utter, utter, utter stupidity
It still amazes that I can shave of a morning and have normal facial hair growth after this exercise in sheer darwinism.

Many moons ago, myself and my lovely lady were out of a night, and as was the fashion at the time, I was partaking of the stupidly dangerous pastime of inhaling lighter fluid from a zippo into my mouth, then exhaling / blowing over a lit flame - cue incendiary burps, hilarity, more beer.

Mostly Harmless.

Fast forward six hours. The lovely lady and myself have managed to negotiate our way home, and I am now tinkering with her flip-top lighter, and, more importantly, the fuel.

At the time, she stayed in a hall of residence, with large windows overlooking a car park. God knows what posessed me, but I decided at that point that raw lighter fuel would have the same flashpoint as normal butane or some such part time flammable liquid / gas. So much so, that I took into my mouth what must have been damn near a 1/4 pint of flammable liquid, held a lighter to my mouth and sprayed the contents out over the flame and out the window.

I will _never_ forget the roaring noise, nor the sensation of my flesh being seared, nor the sheer shock at having generated a three foot wide and five foot long jet of flame in the space of two seconds. Cue my girlfriend slapping the lighter out of my hand, punching me repeatedly in the face (I later discovered this wasn't actually recipirocal for my _utter_ stupidity but merely to put the flames out), and an extremely rapid trip to the local apothecary / hospital.

Extensive second degree burns, two months in facial bandages, a pseudo jihad face-mask for the entire period (think g8 protester face-mask), and a subsequent dumping. Fuck knows I deserved it.

What a twat.

Isla, if you're reading this, I sincerely hope you ripped the piss out of me for years to come.

Yet again
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 3 Nov 2005, 22:37, Reply)