When I were a lad...
...of about 14 years of age - I found myself in a church with another pyromanic fiend pouring wax crayons into an oven an onto a hob (of the kitchen in this church).

This was back in the day when there wasn't much for kids to do in the holidays - apart from a choice of 3 cinemas, free ski-ing/snow-boarding, ice skating, various sports clubs, stamp collecting :S, swimming, church club (of-course), dozens of brilliant parks like the ones with massive tubular steel slides which you burn your arse on in the summers coz they get so hot, but apart from that, there wasn't really much to do.

So after finding ourselves inside a big churchy chapel type place, greeted with a big fuckoff kitchen, loadsa free biscuits, camomile teabags, (I grabbed a wall clock - and gave it to my gran the following x-mas - the SHAME!).

There was this big fookoff oven - had about eight hobs and a double sized oven.

Ofcourse, being a church it had an assortment of wax crayons - so in they went. And out we went.


Weeks went by, and I got a knock on the door. I think I was upstairs having a wank and literally shat myself when I heard the police radio beeping - it's one of those things that used to shit me up as a kid coz I knew I was in DEEP DEEP SHIT.

Turned out the other so called mate had grassed me up to get out of trouble after an old crinkly had seen us coming out of the church.

Cue a very frightening experience in a police station, getting my prints taken and then put in a cell for 2 hours - then handed a bill for the damage - £2,500! Officer says if I can't afford it, I'll be going to prison. Crying, tears everywhere etc etc as you do, then was set free!! Yey.
With a frigging caution. That was it!

The next week I set fire to some grass that was growing on a rock behind someones house (height of summer) - went to town, came back, a big fuckoff fire engine was there putting it out and about 3 police cars loitering about! Again shat meself.

And I think that's when I stopped setting things on fire, apart from the few instances involving placcy bags - which are really fun.

Apologies for length, missus says it's like a slug on a brillo pad.
( Chicken Skin Bag Making pearl necklaces since, Fri 4 Nov 2005, 14:20, Reply)