"of course it's Linda McCartney..."
I'm not a vegetarian - let's just make that clear. I have canine teeth and, given that we don't have a second stomach required for chewing the cud, I am firmly in the "say yes to meat" camp.

However, I have known a few vegetarians in my time and most are pretty laid back - they don't make a show of preaching the PETA meat-is-murder-milk-is-poison nonsense and, aside from being a bit pasty looking, they are sound people. However, just as there is always one bad apple in any barrel, there is always one militant Veggie that will ruin a nice evening to claim the Guardian-reading moral high ground.

Well one such numpty turned up at a barbecue I was holding. He wasn't invited, but he was the friend of my wife's friend and I didn't mind. Right up until we had the whole "You must use a separate grill for my food because I don't want it tainted with dead carcass" lecture.

Now, I am a firm believer in the idea that if, out of a desire to be a good host, I am supposed to provide a veggie with a non-meat meal, it is only right that they should return the favour if I eat at their place, or at least they should be pleasant to the person who is putting them up and feeding them. But no, this emaciated ponce was doing his best to ruin the party and make 15 other guest feel uncomfortable by ranting about the evils of the Ribeye steaks that were sizzling on the grill. But the most vengeance went to the burgers - he made up all sorts of crap about how they were mainly filler, rat and hoof (despite my wife and I making them from home-minced steak that day) and generally getting up my nose. So, after drinking four of my beers he presents me with a box of Linda McCartney/Quorn FakeBurgers and his pompous instructions on how to cook them.

On his departure to the lounge (presumably to harrass the other guests), I threw them in the bin, cooked him two burgers well done, put them in buns, with cheese and sauce and handed them over. He scarfed the lot, whilst saying how nice they were and how we should all try these veggie burgers as we wouldn't miss meat. Meanwhile, I was curled up on my kness on the patio crying with laughter. Along with the three other vegetarians at the party, who were horrified by his behaviour.

I'm a bad, bad man...
(Chad, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:07, 13 replies)

not sure whether to believe this
I'd like to, but the guy would have to be a complete and utter moron to not be able to tell the difference from looking it at, let alone biting into its hot meaty goodness
(The Stalker's Stalker For all your stalking needs, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:09, closed)

maybe
he was such a twat that it affected his taste buds. I'm a veggie and I can always tell when I'm accidentally eating meat. I don't take the moral high ground because that would be hypocritical, since I wear leather and drink Guinness (did you know it has fish in it?).

By the way quorn burgers and sausages are just plain awful, bland and tasteless. Beatle's dead wife does some good ones, and sainsbury's own brand is good. But quorn sucks.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:27, closed)

In all honesty...
I think it was more the four cans of Stella he downed that had affected his taste - I had thought he'd take a bite and then clock what had happened, but no - he ate the lot. Wanker.

He's the kind of guy who turns up and says "I bought you some weed for your birthday, but I got bored and smoked it." Utter, utter cock-jockey.
(Chad, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:33, closed)

damn, that would piss me off!
!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:34, closed)

Tell me about it...
To be honest, I don't even know why he hangs around - all everyone does is rip the piss out of him mercilessly for being such a twat.

I guess it must be for the free food...lol
(Chad, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:39, closed)

Flavour
Quorn burgers are great, but not as burgers. Cut them up and put them in a stir fry. Do them with a cheese sauce. Something. They absorb flavour really really well.

Try frying them in 50/50 olive oil/soy sauce too :)
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 22:46, closed)

Quorn is not good
It gives me the shits every time...

I'm a full on omnivore; but I have a real like for veggie burgers made from, well, vegetables...

My general attitude is, if you want to eat fake meat; why not go the whole hog and eat the real stuff.
(resident deity, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:27, closed)

my ex was a vegetablist
she got me eating those linda sausages

they work well in a sandwich with cheese, ketchup and a potato waffle
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:33, closed)

True...
but then again, Salt and Vinegar Chipsticks make a good sandwich with enough mayo.... I jsut wouldn't claim there is any actual "food" involved. Same goes with the pseudo meats - if you want to eat meat so much you fake it, why not just eat it? Not only that, but there is strong evidence that the Soya/Quorn foods are carcinogenic, evidently - so much for the claims of it being "healthier".

If peopple just ate *less*, that'd solve the problems. After all, how many Mozambiqu refugees turned down the food parcels on the basis of being Lactose Intolerant or Vegan? No, if you're hungry, you'll eat whatever you can. The rest is just posturing and pretentiousness.
(Chad, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:38, closed)

I reserve my right
to be a fat bastard, thank you very much.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 17:30, closed)

if we're talking crisp sandwiches
I'd like to put forth Frazzles and ketchup

now that's good shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 17:56, closed)

Funnily...
...going into a veggie restaurant and demanding "the meat option" never seems to go down well.

Humourless ponces.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 8:58, closed)

no less...
Than what I would have done, serves the militarist idiot right.
( Alex Save a Tree, Eat a Beaver!, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 20:17, closed)