School Childrens Flights
I used to work, as a Corporal in the Army, back in the 90's in an RAF base in Germany. Every school children’s holiday in England, would see a couple of flights full of Army brats, who had been carted off to boarding school in the UK, come for a holiday with their parents in Germany.

Imagine the intelligence level required to get into some of these infantry regiments, then imagine the type of women attracts to such foreheads, then imagine the offspring the produce.

Anyhow, the inbound flights were a piece of cake. Flight lands, kiddies run up to mummy and daddy and disappear, or they get on their respective coaches to far distant garrisons and are out of there, Simple.

The return flights are another matter however. Parents sick of the sight of the kids dump them at the airport hours before the plane and leave them with you as the baby sitter. And some of these kids are spoilt rotten. It was a real problem not to want to whack some of the little retards.

Anyhow, onto the food subject. There used to be a big bucket of boiled sweets, that we used to hand out to the littler kiddies, the 5 and 6 year olds, to calm them down, occupy them, and pump them up with sugar an hour before the flight, Let the RAF sort them out on the aircraft.

One of the Sergeants on the Det used to like to pilfer the bucket, having a sweet tooth. So we thought we'd use that to our advantage and have a laugh on him. Nipping into the NAAFI we bought 10 packets of Chocolate laxatives, about 6 bars per packets all silver foil wrapped, and pilled these little chocolate bars on top of the sweetie pile. Low and behold the Sergeant snaffles a few of these bars and after half an hour disappears. Grins all around. Then we realise we have couple of dozen of these little bars left, so we hand them out to all the kids. All of them are gone with just 15 minutes before boarding time left.

We didn’t see the result, but imagine. An aircraft with 200 screaming school kids on-board, between 5 and 16 years old, with only 2 toilets for an hour long flight.

Our compatriots on the other end at Stanstead rang us up and told us of the reaction when the flight landed. On opening the aircraft door a solid wall of shit laden air caused a few airport workers to up chuck right there and then. Kids emerging with violent diarrhoea running out their jeans and shorts., and other kids covered in puke from the smell.

I think they put it down to food poisoning from sandwiches sold in the NAFFI. We never did tell anyone the real reason. :-)
( ratman, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 6:43, 11 replies)

*clicky
you sir are a legend! :D
(Gorbotronic 01100111 01101111 01110010 01100010 01101111 00001, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 10:22, closed)

i will click this
Only if you add some paragraphs...
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 10:43, closed)

Yes.
Paragraphs are your friend.
( Moey, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 12:48, closed)

.
Graphed with para's, and re read for sense.
( ratman, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 0:28, closed)

Bucking
Frilliant
(meat2veg hello!, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 12:46, closed)

Child cruelty isn't on, whatever the circumstances
Actually, maybe it is. Have a click!
(Neddy Nedson is nice really, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 0:46, closed)

jeesus
that is evil and you are a bad man. will you teach me? click.
(lazy killer robot found that beer tastes better when your older, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 6:20, closed)

Brilliant
Have a click
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 23 Sep 2008, 9:48, closed)

I can dig this.
Must have been fucking horrid on that plane though!
(ShitBitch, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 14:22, closed)

I Think...
... that you just had to be there, but none the less, that's brilliant! Good thing you didn't tell anyone though, these days you'd be accused of terrorism...
( Alex Save a Tree, Eat a Beaver!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 3:18, closed)

This has got to win!
*clicks until mouse finger gets RSI*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:06, closed)