A note
Apologies for tenuous link to topic, and if it's bindun, but fuck it:

A note to clothes shop designers:

A man walks into a high-street clothes shop (ouch, fnarr). He casts his eye around, finds a t-shirt and some jeans he quite likes, but crucially: he cannot tell if they are clothes for women or men! He cannot simply take the garments to the till and hope, for an innocent comment such as "it's so nice you know your girlfriend's size!" would surely cause a furious blush to erupt on his face and it would be obvious to the cashier, anyone paying at the same time, anyone who happened to be nearby, the security guard and in fact the entire universe that HERE IS A MAN WHO WISHES HE COULD WEAR WOMENS' CLOTHES. PITY HIS UNDOUBTEDLY TINY COCK!

He cannot simply ask an attendant to which sex the togs he has taken a fancy to are appropriate for similar reasons (burning embarrassment, tiny cock etc). Instead, he must find an attendant suitably far away from the clothes he was looking at - so as to allay suspicion - in the Court of the Underwear Queen flanked by Amazonian golems modelling the latest in fashionable ladies' swimwear. The attendent is all smiles and lightness; one cannot help but think of the deep sea Angler fish, which generates a small amount of light in order to lure curious prey on to its arrays of needle-like teeth. Was that a smirk he saw cross the face of one of the mannequins?

In a small voice he asks:

F'coov may, where uh menv clove? (trans: Excuse me, where are the mens' clothes?)

This is a hugely significant moment moment in a young man's life! For there are now two ways the exchange can proceed:

1) The man is informed that the shop only sells womens' clothes. He will blush, beat a swift retreat, be unable to live down the shame and have to become a hermit existing only to further contemplate his embarrassment, and write answers to QOTWs that only he thinks are funny.
2) The attendant points in the right direction. More often than not, this is exactly where our hero has just come from.

It is so much harder to return than he remembers! Ready to dodge a hefty clout from a mannequin (which he feels he surely deserves) and dodging bra straps' strangling grasps our lad makes his way back to the menswear at which point he is more than likely to forget what he came in for and beat a swift retreat - see 1).

So, clothes shop designers: make it obvious where the mens' stuff is.

Otherwise I'll gob in your tea.
(Ozz, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:42, 8 replies)

......
I lost you after deap sea angler fish...

let me get this straight...

you have a tiny cock?
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:51, closed)

Try the main board
This section is for the question of the week.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:54, closed)

WHAT?
Are you trying to get him KILLED? Main board would tear pieces out of him if he posted anything like this without a picture...

No no, far better that he put this on /talk, where the worst he'll get is a few well placed ignores...
( IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis most likely working from home on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:49, closed)

Why didn't
he just look at the clothing size. Mens and womens sizing is different. Or was that not to his knowledge?
(i should have joined myspace, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:56, closed)

my thinking exactly
plus, wouldnt there be a bra and knickers area near by?
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:59, closed)

Ozz...
...eloquent, original, totally pointless and a great punchline.
You got my vote.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:44, closed)

I
second this.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:41, closed)

I have found
that if I cant tell whether the clothes on display are for women or men, am a) in the wrong shop and should know better than to deviate from Slaters and b) I am getting older - a common theme in my life.

I endorse Slaters unequivocally by the way. Its great when you realise Next is SHIT, M&S is 20 years off, and everything else is full of very twatty looking clothes and full of twatty (read:young) people.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:26, closed)