not really sex but
I have a friend that likes super hot curries and had issued me a challenge of making him one that he couldn't eat - so I went to the market and got some milder variation on the Naga Jolokia (which is quite hard to get hold of)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naga_Jolokia_pepper

recommended to me by the indian that runs the fruit and veg stall - it was orange one he said he used the seeds from when making super hot curries for himself.

I chopped the chillies and other veg, chicken and prepared the curry, and as any knowledgable curry afficionado amongst you will know a curry must simmer for a while before it achieves its true potential.


I had an hour to kill while it simmered and my friend wasn't there yet, there was nothing on the tv so I sat on the internet for a bit, which any male will know eventually leads to a wank (there was nobody in the house)

Yes you guessed it i had a number three forgetting about all the chilli and assorted spices on my hands (and not having even bothered washing them DOH)

not only that but I'm in the acorn crew (circumcised) and i was using olive oil as lube


so i literally massaged chilli juices into my penis, and didn't notice during my left handed surfing until it started to throb a bit, which was quite nice at first, until the agonising heat started.

I put my penis under the cold tap for at least twenty minutes with tears in my eyes, i could not adequately describe to you the white hot pure unadulterated agony of it all and it still hurt just as much after 20 minutes and the only way i stopped the pain was by literally wanking yoghurt and milk into it but it still was a bit iffy and cold for a few days after
edit:
HE LIKED THE CURRY, IT WAS HOT

I am a nob. sorry for length etc.... LOL LOL LOL


click "I like this" - IT'S A TRUE ONE!
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:28, 19 replies)

Err
The "I got chilli on my knob/vag" is almost a meme on QOTW.

We've all done it...

Cheers

P.S. - Haven't I met you?
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:31, closed)

yes but this isn't a LIE

( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:32, closed)

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:33, closed)

Lies

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:34, closed)

(Police Dog bark bark bark, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:35, closed)

YES!
Good boy. *pets*
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:38, closed)

I'd like to lick you until you're better.

(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:37, closed)

IF ONLY YOU WERE REAL!
:(
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 14:43, closed)

But I'm a girl.
With breasts.
And a frankly frightening capacity for pandering.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:04, closed)

Oh really?
Well hello there.


Check your gazzes
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:14, closed)

Goodness me!
Is that really yours?
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:39, closed)

Oh, absolutely.
You can tell by the fighter jet in the background.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:44, closed)

The tales of your pole are all true!
I feel breathlessly excited.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:50, closed)

On the first read
I missed the last two words
(bblgoose, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:23, closed)

Oh, you'll never miss with me...

(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:39, closed)