Squirty Cream
Let's face it, most of us have, or will use this in the bedroom at one point in our lives!

Me and the (now ex) missus were having a bit of a play with it, spray on, lick off, as you do. I end up spraying it liberally onto her clunge, and having some fun down there. The problem being that when I moved up, I had cream all round my mouth, leading to her being in absolute hysterics. (Fair play, when I saw, I laughed too!)

After the laughter subsides, she decides she wants to return the favour, so lies next to me, aims the little fella upwards, and goes to town on it! This is followed by her reapplying the cream a couple more times. All is going well, until she decides she's not had any action for a while, and proceeds to climb over, and lower herself onto my tongue. Winner, as some say!

However, in this position, she can't lean as well, so she's taking her weight on one arm, while trying to decorate me. As she is leaning down to continue to apply more, I must have hit the right spot, as she twitched, ramming the nozzle into my japs eye. As she's covering my mouth, I can't really make much noise, but she thinks I'm enjoying this, and grinds her hips down a little harder.

Then, she starts to press the button again, sending pressurised air and cream down the shaft, leading to me physically throwing her off the bed. It. Seriously. Fucking. Hurt.

Lesson to learn? When using anything with compressed air, make sure she's got a steady wrist.

Length? After that, nonexistent!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 13:06, 5 replies)

vagely relevant...
i designed the anchor chocolate 'moose' can

i use the stupid inverted commas on moose beacuse the lawyers 'had an issue with it' which prompted me to write in anger the most ridiculous disclaimer...

'this product contains no moose reindeer or caribou, ANCHOR chocolate moose only ever contains loads of chocolatey fun'

if you must
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 15:45, closed)

Haha!
Seriously?

That's genius!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 15:46, closed)

yip i'm serious
its still on sale in tescos's go look

there was also another amusing moment when after shooting the serving suggestion (ice cream with a swirl of chocolate and a strawberry), the client decided they wanted two swirls - so the moose on the can was potatoshopped so it now looks like it has comedy chocolate tits
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 17:57, closed)

Fucking OW
I was going to say "I feel your pain", but thankfully I don't.

Have a *click* of sympathy, you poor poor bastard.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 7:50, closed)

You know
We could never do this-at the first Psssst of the dairy cream can, my kids would run into the bedroom accusing us of hogging the Reddi-Wip.


Sigh
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 4:47, closed)