Weight limits on lifts
Ever noticed those little signs in lifts? "Maximum weight 1400kg or 20 people", that sort of thing.

One day when I worked at the hospital a friend and I are in a lift. It stops, someones goes to get on and mentions there's not much room. Everyone shuffles around a bit creating a space and I, being oh so witty and clever say something along the lines of "Don't worry, according to the sign there's room for six more people in here! Haha, or two really fat ones".

I don't even need to finish typing this, do I?

My friend's eyes widen ever so slightly as she looks at me; the lift continues and I stand absolutely silent, looking resolutely at the floor in front of me until we disembark, along with everyone else in the lift - including a massively massively fat woman who I'd somehow managed not to spot before.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 11:41, 12 replies)

If she didn't want to be offended by fat jokes she should put the fucking pies down.
NO FAT CHICKS
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 11:45, closed)

^ What fat girl said ^
People are only fat because they want to be.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 11:47, closed)

No mate, it's glandular, innit.
I've just got really big bones.

I'm stocky.

I hardly eat anything, honest! She eats MUCH more than me, I don't understand why I'm so much bigger than her!

I'm only a size 14, how is that fat?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 11:51, closed)

Following in the footsteps of the seminal documentary "Sleepwalkers who KILL"
Channel 5 did an excellent investigation into "Mystery weight gain" where people kept weight on despite dieting, because in the middle of the night, they were, um ... "Sleep eating".

It featured excellent nocturnal footage of the kitchens of the subjects, into which they'd wander - while fast asleep!Prepare themselves a full, lardy meal, and eat it, and then go back to bed.

In the morning, they couldn't remember a thing! Amazing!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 11:58, closed)

Really? Blimey...

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:00, closed)

Well, I suppose there's no danger of falling MORE asleep with the chip pan going

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:09, closed)

Yeah, they were definitely asleep. Definitely.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:16, closed)

Incredible, isn't it?
I felt really sorry for them.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:28, closed)

why feel sorry? They werent sleep shopping as well so they still made a concious decision to buy it in the first place.
(Bushcricket, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 16:50, closed)

Hahahaha
That really needed the lift to get stuck so you had to endure the agony a bit longer
( Jahled Three shades of black, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:06, closed)

Plus, worst came to worst you wouldn't go hungry

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:10, closed)

"She" wouldn't have gone hungry you mean.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 18 Aug 2012, 6:48, closed)