Being a grown up...
My girlfriend and I are currently trying for a baby.

We've got shitloads of kits and pills to help nature along.

The other night Liz found me peering intently at something in the bathroom.

"What are you doing, Spanky?" she asked.

"Well," I said, holding up the test stick I'd just pissed on moments before. Then I said, in all seriousness. "I'm definately not ovulating..."
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 12:56, 10 replies)

If anyone could ovulate
It would be you. And I'd be happy to impregnante you. And this is just getting scary now.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:24, closed)

I'm pretty sure
about half the world's population can.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 2 May 2009, 2:13, closed)

fucking for a baby
I've always found the term, 'we are trying for a baby', to be endlessly amusing.

It implies that there is a 24hr sex-o-thon taking place, with gallons of fuckjuice being sprayed into eager, quivering quimholes.

Creampies all round. Maps of Africa, optional. Unless the hole is bunged of course, to aid conception..

Good luck anyway you deviant!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:02, closed)

The terrible thing about it
is that all my baby batter has to shoot up zee cervix - no more facials, boob moisturising, and definately, DEFINATELY, no more anal...

...I'd better get my beloved up the duff soon, otherwise I might loose my deviant edge...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:23, closed)

in my experience
woman experience a very horny phase during pregnancy, that involves most types of lurid behaviour. Big, pendulous boobies to mash and after the big event, you can slake your thirst from the teat during the more vigourous bouts of clam bashing. Breast milk has a very particular taste, not altogether unpleasant i may add. Plus she gets the opportunity to spray her white juice all over your face

squirt squirt

The down side is that, brand new babies and stretched and torn grot-slots, do not make for adventurous sex, in fact it makes for none at all.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:55, closed)

heh
...the reality being that it's well-timed and regulated single acts of intercourse every other day (to build up sperm) in the 4 days preceding, and actual day of, ovulation, with the added delight of temperature charting, cervical mucus recording and a fertility-enhancing diet. Hot stuff. rrrRRRRr.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:23, closed)

How about
cervical mucus tasting???

Could I get away with suggesting that one???
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:29, closed)

absolutely.
Can you taste the difference between creamy and ewcm? Careful though - saliva is thought to kill sperm. That's why I always swallow.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:32, closed)

Me
too
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 14:33, closed)

Thanks Spanky,
So much for lunch. Clicks.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 1 May 2009, 17:08, closed)