Cuddly Jesus
6 years old. Nativity play for the school.

Having the ability to SPEAK REALLY LOUDLY but nothing else, (not much has changed), I was the narrator.

One problem: they didn't have a doll for Jesus. I pondered over this for a bit.

"I've got a cuddly toy at home: I only live a minute walk away, I can get it and show you."

The teacher seemed to agree after some cajouling and I ran off out of the school through the bushes and then up the stairs to the flat where I lived. Arrived, clocked my mother who probably heard "sokmumgongejesus" as I ran into my box room, grabbed the doll and slammed the door back shut again.

I triumphantly turn up my cuddly toy in her yellow and black dress. The teacher's face looks a little pained.

"We can't use that"
"What? I know she's a girl. I can take the dress off. Jesus didn't come out with clothes on, so it'll be ok"
"Look, we can't use her. Sorry."
*Lip starts trembling*
I run off and cry, hugging my cuddly doll. I told her not to worry about the horrible lady, and that she could act a wonderful Jesus if allowed to.

I stagger home in tears. My mother notices the hyper gremlin is now upset and requiring hugs. Tears over, she asks me what happened.

She's not happy. She storms into my school demanding to know who this insensitive teacher was for a good talking to.

I sit and sulk for a bit, imagining all the nasty things my mother is saying to the mean teacher and grin.

My mother comes back a lot calmer. She asks to see the toy I brought with me.
"Sheep can't be Jesus"
*OH!* That's what they didn't like. Unfortunately I'd had a class about racism recently and thought I was wonderfully clever coming back with
"But she's a people sheep. People shouldn't be nasty because she's a sheep. That's wrong."
My mum's not impressed.

"Sheeps can't be Jesus."
"Why not?"
"Because Jesus was a man"
"But..."
She looked at me. I ponder this for a minute. I've been told by then that he's a ghost, wine, bread and a man. But he can't be a sheep. Fine. The world wins. Again.

Nebby eventually died 4 years later in the repeated floods of '94 caused by bath companionship duties. I learnt my lesson and bought a cuddly crab with my pocket money savings, as my logic at the time told me that crabs like water.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 20:46, 8 replies)

awww
that's a sweet story! click.
( grey matter, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:05, closed)

ta!
I'm quite chuffed I managed a story without actually mentioning whether I believe in God or not.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:51, closed)

Sorry
But crabs can't play Baby Jesus, either.

=)
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:19, closed)

our Lord
is neither a sheep nor a crab. This is a blasphemous mockery of His true form, which is a kitten.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 0:22, closed)

I always used to have to be the narrator.
It sucked. As did Nativities :( then, I always used to have to be a shepherd when I wanted to be Mary. And why the fuck is the little blonde kid always Mary?
( Maladicta, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 14:44, closed)

It's that same part of life
that means they either end up on Ibiza Uncovered, or pulling the corporate ranks in a German supermarket (not actually kidding here, I speak with experience)...

I had freckles. That means Mary was never going to be an option.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 18:13, closed)

Me too...
Except that I spent the dress rehearsal corpsing a little too much, so they decided they couldn't trust me not to laugh on the 'big night' so gave it to someone else :(

One day, I will have my revenge...
(mellotron never could get the hang of Thursdays, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 2:46, closed)

You got home safely then?
Handy that ;-)
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 3:55, closed)