Altar puddles
For reasons I've never completely understood, me and a few of my mates ended up as altar boys when we were at primary school.

I have no tales of being molested by any priest, but one day me and my mate Dave had been enlisted to help "train up" another lad. Midway through we're sat there on the altar during some groany, mumbled god shit. Bored shitless, Dave started humming. Dead quiet at first, but progressively louder and louder. Encouraged by the lack of reaction to this, I joined in.

Such were the acoustics of the church, it wasn't immediately obvious to anyone where the sound was coming from, but the priest was on to us, and although we remained straightfaced and closed-mouthed, he kept shooting us shitty looks. The lad we were showing the ropes to, Phil, was sat in between us, sitting back so no-one in the congregation could see his face, doing that quiet rocking laugh that some people do when they're starting to lose it. He was so quiet it took me a while to notice he was laughing at all, but by the time I did, his face was purple.

That was it, then - game on. Dave started making weird chirping noises, and I parped up with a sneeze that sounded like a high pitched "Pheeeeeeeeeeellll". He was in serious trouble, and was hitting us both in the side under his cassock trying to get us to stop, but by now he was so crippled with laughter that it just made us do it more.

The clincher was when Dave slyly turned and quietly said in his best demonic voice "GOD GOD GODDY GODDY GOD GOD".

"Stoppit...stoppit...no...no...nooooo..."

And then there was water. He'd been laughing so hard he pissed himself. Straight through his clothes, straight through his cassock, huge puddle on the floor of the altar.

By now some of the people at the front could tell something was going on, and me and Dave just went completely. I laughed so hard I nearly fell in the puddle of piss. He was absolutely mortified, but unfortunately for him, he had to sit in pissy kecks for another half hour.

Take it from me though, bollockings are so much more surreal coming from a man in a dress waving a bible for emphasis.
(dandelionburdock, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:54, 1 reply)

Now THIS is what QOTW is all about.
"The clincher was when Dave slyly turned and quietly said in his best demonic voice "GOD GOD GODDY GODDY GOD GOD"."

First officelol in a while there mate.
That should get me through this morning.

Cheers!
(TheColonel, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:16, closed)