Babies are evil
Me and the Lord have got an understanding... I don't hassle him, he doesn't hassle me.
But organised religion gets on my tits so much, and I'm very vocal about it, sometimes embarrasingly so (Lady Scaramanga's cousin apologised to me for making me go to church on wedding day... a felt a bit bad about that).

Anyway... a couple of years ago, a friend of Lady Scaramanga was getting her baby baptised, and we were invited. What I wasn't told was this was no 'wet the baby's head' in-and-out. This was a full-on Catholic ceremony.

My problem with catholicism, in my probably mis-informed way, is that it's all about being crap and evil, and you spend your life proving to God that you're NOT crap and evil. That sounds a bit shit to me.

So, the ceremony is going along, and Lady S is squeezing my hand tighter and tighter to try and get me not to heckle the vicar (something, I've never done, though I have taken a couple to task for a chat afterwards), and the guy's banging on and I swear everytime he said something like 'evil' or 'demons' the fucker looked right at me.
We get to prayers. I don't pray, I don't bow my head... the fucker stares daggers at me, and I stare right back.

Then the final straw... Baby's first Confession. A six-month old baby.
What the FUCK has a six-month old baby got to confess? Impure thoughts about The Midnight Garden characters? Touching itself while going poo-poo?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and tried to leave. Lady S grabbed my hand and told me in no uncertain terms, I was going to sit there, keep my mouth shut, smile politely... and then have some free beer afterwards.

I was like that bloke in Scanners for another 15 minutes... steam coming out of my ears.

What's so annoying is that the couple who's baby it was are so lovely (though I did once argue with her about private education which was unpleasant) that I had to keep up my charade of 'oh what a lovely cweremony' for a further two hours before we could go home, where my head promptly exploded and I was sent straight to hell.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 8:48, 2 replies)

haha you sir are a saint.
Fuck me what a load of horseshit that is.. 6 month old baby! *mutters obscenities*
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:49, closed)

Catholics are fucked mate
truly fucked. get a click from me for the scanners reference, been in church many times myself and felt the same way, just never had a point of reference for it before. cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:17, closed)