The Bible is a scary scary book
When I was a wee lad, just knee high to a very small thing, I went to a CofE primary school. This meant, obviously, that we sang proper hymns in assembly, said the Lords Prayer every morning, went to church at Easter, Christmas and that other one with the oranges whose name nobody remembers. Anyway, in year 4 (age 8-9 I think), we got a teacher who was fervently religious (as in, quoted scripture at any given moment). She told the class that we should all study the Bible, as it was the only way to get in God's good books.
Now, for most small children, a Goosebumps book is enough to put the willies up you. The Bible is a different thing altogether. Being 8, of course, we didn't actually read the whole sodding thing, we watched cartoons of Bible stories instead. They were all in claymation, and they were all a bit like this but, you know, with Bible stories.
For children with overactive imaginations, watching Lot's wife turning into salt as God nuked Sodom and all its inhabitants is enough to give you nightmares on its own, and that's before we get to the disturbingly graphic representation of Revelations, complete with naked women on three headed dogs above lakes of fire. Moses' plagues were pretty terrible too.
The whole thing gave the impression that God and his pals were just waiting for an excuse to kill you in the most violent possible way with very little provocation. It got to the point that kids just stopped coming in on the days we watched these films. To this day, I have never seen anything even remotely like the cartoons we watched that year (admittedly, I haven't tried that hard), but I still firmly believe that the Bible is the scariest book ever written. Except for Night of The Living Dummy, that one was just terrifying.
(steadfastmeat Laconic ham, perhaps?, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 20:35, 2 replies)

Haha,
I was proper shit scared of that Goosebumps book about the sponge under the sink that ate people.
Admittedly, sponges are not generally that scary but I think it was the way it were written.

You've made me wanna read a Goose bumps book now!
(limon, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 20:41, closed)

Christingle
The thing with the orange and the candle. Either that, or auto-asphyxiation.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 22:55, closed)