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This is a question God

Tell us your stories of churches and religion (or lack thereof). Let the smiting begin!

Question suggested by Supersonic Electronic

(, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 15:00)
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Maladicta below reminds me.
Religion was never forced down my throat at school but every Christmas and Easter we were frogmarched down to the church and made to sing hymns and wonder at the sight of the most fervently atheist kid in school out bible stories. (He fancied one of the girls who also did this.)

This went on for what felt like hours. Every boring word in the reverends monotonous whine dragged on forever, merging into the next word to form one big boring noise.

To make time pass slightly quicker we did what all good teenagers should and made up words to the hymns.

“Dance, Dance,
Wherever you may be,
On the grave of a dead baby,
And we’ll wake him up,
From his deep sleep,
We’ll wake up the baby zombie”

“Please remain standing for the next hymn”

The sheet slid on to the Over head projector.

“It’s cumbyah, we whispered excitedly, fantastic” We stifled a giggle. We all knew the verses “Kiss my ass my lord”, then “someone’s shagging my lord”, “have a wank
My lord” and “suck my cock my lord”. We steadied ourselves, looked at each other, drew breath and sang just quiet enough to not be noticed if everyone else sang,

“Kiss my ass my lor…” but just loud enough so the entire church could hear if nobody else sang, because everyone else remembered that no one sang the introductory verse.

On the bright side we didn’t have to go back the next year.
(, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 19:40, closed)
I'd never heard of 'alternative' words to that hymn before
so thank you for enlightening me!

I'll be singing that all night now.
(, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 19:48, closed)
We made up a few "alternative" hymn lyrics at our school, too:

Little donkey, little donkey, up a slimy toad. Got to keep on masturbating, so he can shoot his load!

(To the tune of "O Christmas tree") Pornography, pornography! How lovely are your jazz mags!

Jesus, remember me, when you come into your condom.
(, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 21:12, closed)

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