...and in he charges, on his Shetland destrier, dual wielding his weapons of Dullness and Sanctimony.

EDIT: did you have any luck sniveling to the mods about Ringo's sock puppet?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 22:28, 2 replies)

tell me more about my imaginary bedsit
no really, I'm all ears
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 22:43, closed)

Imagine your own bedsit, you lazy spastic.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 22:46, closed)

PROTIP: your imagination made it in the first place

www.b3ta.com/questions/socialmediameltdowns/post1999625
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 22:48, closed)

So now you want me to furnish it, too?

I dunno, there's a shitty brown couch, smells vaguely of mould and despair. Floral carpet, long past its best and threadbare in many places. Half pint of piss beside the camp bed, which is itself covered in greying, unwashed sheets. All illuminated by the guttering light of a single candle, burned now for so many hopeless nights that it's no longer than your cock.

Do I have to do all the work, here?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:00, closed)

tell me more
who else lives in the building, what kind of neighbourhood is it in, whereabouts in the country is it
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:06, closed)

Sorry, it imaginarily burned down. You were in it at the time.

No-one came to the funeral.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:10, closed)

where was this funeral

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:14, closed)

Blandford Forum.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:16, closed)

what type of church
Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopalian
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:19, closed)

I imagine it's just like the one I'm supposed to live in
Damp and somewhere in Finsbury Park, right?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 11:40, closed)

Nope.
Howdy HP.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:20, closed)

Well, you dodged a bullet there. He was on your case, warbling about getting you a permaban or something, right up to the moment he deleted the thread in a rare moment of self-awareness.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:27, closed)

well, colour me impressed
did you look up "self-awareness" on Wikipedia, or Urban Dictionary?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:44, closed)

You've already stunk up one subthread with your dull, trying for two is just needy.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:57, closed)

yeah, bored with that now
what's your favourite Mike + the Mechanics album?

you can't say Living Years
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 23:59, closed)

Can't say as I've ever listened to a whole album of theirs, but I remember them having something quite listenable in the charts at roughly the same time OMD were peddling "Sailing on the Seven Seas". So I'll go for the album that came from, whichever it was.

At the time, I preferred Roxette.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:09, closed)

why did you like that song

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:11, closed)

Something to do with the drum noises.

"tch-TCH!"
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:19, closed)

A moment of complete and utter
Beige-ness?

It's a bit dis-heartening that 2 of my stories FP'd last week - I was pleased but really I know I'm not the best out there - it's just sad that a lot of the good story tellers don't even bother sticking their heads around the door lest they get showered in dribbly shit.
TBH it seems as tho the mods either are too busy with their digits in dogs bums or some of them appear to be in collusion with the shit-flingers & if that's the case then why even bother coming here anymore?
Anyhoo...
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:02, closed)

Fair point, but there were one or two Narcissistic gobshites amongst the "classic" posters of yore. In any event, I much prefer an under-modded forum to an over-modded one.

Pity about stories like the OP's here, though - nicely written, inoffensive, more or less on topic, and still coated with the aforementioned dribbly shit.

Hey, ho.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:17, closed)

Yes, there were some posters
who were perhaps somewhat "inventive" with their stories - but at least they were generally well-written and on-topic and amusing.

The howls now of "lies" whenever anyone posts anything which may, for example, involve that person having had sex (which does, strangely enough, happen to most people, although the arseholes who now clog up QoTW could probably not believe that) and general abuse that greets most posters has put off most people from bothering.

In general I'd agree with you about the desirable levels of moderation, once the 10 worst offenders at the moment had been nuked from orbit. However, as they are so desperate for the strange validation they take from coming out with their crap, odds are they would be back before too long anyway.

Hey-ho, there's always the QoTW archive to look at for good stories...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 1:00, closed)

I've gone back a good couple of years -
srsly good laughs in some of those Popular Pages.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 8:24, closed)