HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I’ve always been a lover of food. Taste, texture and presentation rather than mounds of greasy product. Don’t get me wrong, if there’s a pile of pizza to be eaten I’ll help out, but it’s not really my thing. So my second date with the lovely to be Mrs ring of Fire, at one of those factory outlets for food wasn’t destined for success. Can’t remember which…FattyTGIBucketHouse or something. I forgave her because as a life long veggie she couldn’t be expected to know the difference between good food and slop, and I wanted inside her knickers.

I chowed down on my plate of brown food, the deep fried breaded mushrooms were a particular crime, and despite myself cleaned my plate like a good boy. Then the lights went low, Happy Birthday started blaring from the speakers and an appalling mound of machine created ‘Pavlova’ decorated with sparklers was carried into the eating area. I watched with increasing alarm and surprise as this thing was brought to our table and plonked in front of me. “Happy Birthday darling” said my shiny new girlfriend with a big grin on her face.
At least they’d provided two spoons I thought, as the as the apple of my eye took one dainty mouthful before she dropped her spoon onto the plate, declared herself full and sat back in the chair. My every attempt to do the same was blocked by faux coquettish “but I got it for you darling, for your birthday”, “this pudding shows how much I love you” type comments.

I left that place with the top button of my jeans undone and plans for revenge. I guess the Mrs was left with the knowledge she could play me like a cheap violin.

And no, it wasn’t my birthday
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 20 Apr 2011, 11:15, 7 replies)

click for brutal honesty
*click*
(SimianKid internet faffer, Wed 20 Apr 2011, 11:33, closed)

*twitches*
WHAT was that about veggies?!
*shakes pasty, protein-deficient fist at laptop*
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Wed 20 Apr 2011, 14:16, closed)

careful, you'll do yourself a mischief.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 20 Apr 2011, 15:02, closed)

she was making you into a fatty
so other girls wouldnt want you....
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Wed 20 Apr 2011, 14:39, closed)

If a girl did something like that on second date...
...I would assume she was a psycho.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 20 Apr 2011, 14:40, closed)

Nah! She was just having a laugh. Been with her for 15 years. She just phoned me at work actually, she’s been out skateboarding all morning and has bruised her arse….pleasantly nuts is how I’d sum her up.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 20 Apr 2011, 15:00, closed)

Fair enough!

(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 20 Apr 2011, 15:55, closed)