Canonical List
- I like to pee in my underpants in public places. Obviously this has to be a little squirt not 5 minutes of micturation bearing close resemblance to a domestic water leak.

- I like to shape my mashed potato into sculptures of classical excellence. Recent triumphs include '30 St Mary Axe', 'Mt Snowdon' and 'A Reclining Fred West'.

- I like to crack inappropriate gags in public situations. The other day at an RSCPA social I cracked the following gem...
"I came home the other day to find my plumber f*cking the dog. I called the police, but they refused to do anything about it, apparently he's corgi registered".
It was met with mixed approval.

- I sometimes treat myself to a little air guitar when I hear rock music.. It was for this reason I could be found in Sainsbury's last Saturday afternoon bouncing around like an epileptic under a stroboscope to "Paradise City" on the store's sound system.

- I also like to wind up people on streets I dont know. I wear dark glasses and bearing a white stick walk up to cars, feel the number plate and then proclaim loudly "NO, THAT ONE'S NOT MINE!"
(Vic Flange, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 14:55, 6 replies)

That made me laugh.
And not many do.

I occasionally take a bucket of water into the bath room, and when my own urine flow has ceased, I substitute it with a trickle from the bucket. It still makes my wife come to investigate when she hears the 'same' piss stream going loudly for five minutes.
(frankspencer, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 14:59, closed)

Mind you, those germans know how to piss.
I saw a gentleman's art film the other month where one gentleman must have managed around 2 litres of urine over his female co-star.
That was impressive, I think only a horse could've bettered that, and was proved right in the next scene.
(Vic Flange, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 15:07, closed)

horses
are quite prodigious in their pissing. And they do some impressive farts too. I once stood by as a horse did a fart, and it must have gone on for about ten minutes, ranging through a variety of tones - bubbling, parping, muted trumpet, kazoo and baritone. Its chestnut buttocks quivered all the while.

Then my grandmother asked me why there was a horse in the living room.
(frankspencer, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 15:20, closed)

Impressive Indeed.
My answer to your Grandmother would've been ..

"He's waiting for the football results"
(Vic Flange, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 15:22, closed)

MY DAD IS GOOD FOR INAPPROPRIATE GAGS IN PUBLIC...
..They include:

-Going into an asian mobile phone shop and upon hearing Indian/Asian music he told them they radio didn't sound right and that it needed re-tuning. They did!
-Always, always accusing whoever he is out shopping with of stealing really loudly in front of security guards (this is more childish than inappropriate but it really tickles him).
-Been lewd and incredibly crewd to anything in a skirt if they work in shops. I figure he knows they can't whack him cos they are working. His regular chat up lines are `Do you take it up the arse bitch?' (not to shop girls but women in general) and I'm not joking.

He's so silly and childish but I guess my guilty pleasure is that even though I protest at him, I secretly find it a tiny bit funny.
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 16:58, closed)

arg
i wish i could click i like this for your reply!
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 16:50, closed)