Machines
Whilst home alone of an afternoon, I like to create increasingly more contrived methods of automating masturbation.

Mainly because I'm a lazy bastard tbh.

Anyways, after various experiments with powertools and anything I can find about the house, the missus and I were doing some serious redecorating so we hired one of those paint-shaking machines. The sort where you clamp a paint-tin in it and switch it on and it oscillates vigourously, and saves you having to stir it manually.

Anyway, wife goes out and I go searching the house for parts to make a machine-penis interface. I fabricated something with a few layers of felt, rubber bands and gaffa-tape.

I started the machine, it was perfect. So I laid on the table next to it, got into position and set it going at about 60%.

Well that didn't take long, maybe 12 seconds. I'd struck gold in wanking efficiency.

Within maybe just over a minute, I'd cum 3 times and things were getting sticky. So I reached for controls, but in my ecstacy the machine had shuddered out of reach.

This was worrying and as I scrabbled around looking for something to cut the power with, pull the plug out anything. It didn't make it easy the fact that I cum two more times.

I was getting light-headed and was beginning to get distressed, though this was regularly punctuated with climaxes which were producing less and less fluid.

After maybe ten mins, I lost count at about 23 or 24. I lost track of time, but when my missus finally came in and rescued me I calculated that I'd been hooked up to it for best part of an hour and had probably orgasmed maybe 40 times. I looked like someone had glazed my abdomen with a dozen eggs.

The muscles behind the penis-root ached like hell. I now have groin muscles like Geoff Capes' biceps and when I shoot my load now I can hit the far wall with it.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 18:43, 7 replies)

I nearly
fell off my chair laughing.
Excellent.
A very much deserved *click*
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 18:49, closed)

*Office LOL*
You git...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 17 Mar 2008, 18:59, closed)

i want this to be true
i don't know why though
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 21:31, closed)

That reminds me
...I must go down B&Q tomorrow. The errr, carpet needs a new coat, or something.
( Ultimate Cakes & Sweets Why,what are you planning to do - photosynthesize?, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 22:25, closed)

tool
This is it.
tinyurl.com/3agvqp
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 23:08, closed)

....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlkAVA39FVU
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 23:11, closed)

I don't even have a penis
and I hurt just thinking about that.
( Maladicta, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 13:35, closed)