Gym oddballs
I had been a member of the local council gym for a while but, having tired of queueing behind innumerate small, loud children waiting to go swimming I decided to upgrade to the ludicrously overpriced but undeniably luxurious David Lloyd next door, where there would be no kids and I could work out, swim, shower and enjoy the jacuzzi, sauna and steam room with scant need to keep a watchful eye on my feet lest I have my toes amputated by some unsupervised little shit on Heelys.

The first disconcerting character I encountered there appeared while I was on a rowing machine. In front of the machines was a wall of mirrors, and behind was a row of exercise bikes. The portly, middle-aged gentleman in question bopped cheerily in wearing some terribly fetching white shorts and proceeded to sit down on the bike behind me, plug his headphones into the port so he could listen to Big Brother while he exercised and cycle away without a care in the world, sizeable erection flopping from side to side as he pedalled.

A tad distracting, that, but not a patch on gym weirdo number two.

This guy had clearly been rejected by the army at some stage and had never quite got over it. He would come into the gym, topless with camouflage combat trousers on, and hop onto a resistance machine where he would flex his liberally fake tanned muscles while shouting, at increasingly ludicrous volumes:

'COME ON! YEAH! PUSH IT OUT! PUSH IT OUT! YOU'RE SUPERMAN! YOU'RE SUPERMAN! YEAH, YOU'RE SUPERMAN! DO IT! YEAH! YEAH! UH! UH! UH! PUSH IT OUT! PUSH IT OUT! YOU'RE SUPERMAN! YEEAAAARGHHH!'

On several occasions members of staff had to ask him to keep it down because virtually every other person in the gym had complained. I found him quite entertaining, myself.

What I did not find entertaining, more just nauseating, was the time a woman of some 50+ years approached me in the changing rooms- while I was topless with a towel round my waist- and asked me to sign a petition. It would not have been nearly so bad, however, had I not been sitting down, and it would have been positively bearable had she not been fully nude and dangled her pendulous, greying fanny flaps in my face.

Gag.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 21:41, 3 replies)

Eugh!
That sounds horrid. The last part especially.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 11:23, closed)

That camo guy
I think most gyms have one of those guys. My last two have anyway.
The current one's not quite as vocal, but still pep-talks himself before he lifts.

On the other hand, he resembles Donkey Kong in build, and overhead presses upwards of 100kg when he does it, so I think i'll leave him be. Plus he's a nice enough guy.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 12:16, closed)

Ugh!
I think I'll pass on that one...

*click*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:34, closed)