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This is a question Helicopter Parents

Back when young ScaryDuck worked in the Dole office rather than simply queuing in it, he had to deal with a claimant brought in by his mum. She did all the talking. He was 40 years old.

Have you had to deal with over-protective parents? Get your Dad to tell us all about it.

(, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:13)
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Helicopter some times + abusive at other times = confusion
(Length warning)

My parents married young & I arrived 11 months later. Dad is pretty chilled – worked hard, became successful and is a happy chap if he regularly gets to have a beer, play golf etc. He was away a lot when I was a kid (which explains some of below). My mother was (and possibly still is) a completely hypocritical headcase with the mental stability of a bunch of frogs with Gulf War Syndrome.

As a kid there were the usual aspects that a lot of other people would have had to deal with; certain children I was told not to mix with, certain TV programmes were banned, some types of clothing weren’t allowed etc. Fine. Not a big deal.

However there were much more embarrassing times - mother goes storming in to berate teachers in full classrooms for giving me detentions I that I thoroughly deserved, not allowing me to attend school trips in case I hurt myself (how can you hurt yourself watching Macbeth at your local theatre?) not being allowed to be alone more than 100 yards from the house, not being allowed to have the BCG jab as “my son will never catch TB we are far too middle class” and many others that I won’t bore you with. It was 100% helicopter parenting.

The worst thing though was the confusion because when she wasn’t acting like that she was beating the fuck out of me and messing with my head. There were times when I had to be kept off school until bruising had faded, made to sleep in the garden shed overnight in the middle of February, locked in my bedroom with the window chained, told I was educationally subnormal, stupid (turns out my IQ is about 140), was a failure, she wished I’d never been born, making me scrub ink off my arm with a pumice stone until my arm resemble a raw steak, plus many further (some worse) examples. This type of thing occurred pretty much daily from the age of 3 until I left home at 17.

Once she even got a GP out to the house to try & have me sectioned for crying once she had kicked the shit out of me(I recall the GP saying something along the lines of if anyone in the house needed sectioning it was probably her).

So on one hand I was not allowed to do perfectly reasonable things, some times my mother would go completely OTT to “protect” me, some times she would defend me when I deserved punishment by others and some times she would batter the fuck out of me physically and psychologically (hence my username).

I am now 36 and through therapy (mainly TA but some CBT as well) I have lost the anger about it, although I have chosen not to have anything to do with my mother for the last 19 years. I recognise that some of it was due to her having mental health issues but you don’t really realise that when you’re 14 and having a glass bottle smashed in to the back of your head or when you’re being told “you should have been an abortion”.

I have no idea how much my father knew - I never told him at the time & wouldn't now (we get on & I don't want to upset him).

I’m posting this not for sympathy or any bollocks like that but because I know there are some people who think they should not have children themselves because of their own childhood (who think as their parents were crap that this would make them be a crap parent). It is logical but incorrect to think like this – your experiences might not make you a brilliant parent but it will definitely make you a different sort of parent to yours - so have kids if you want them. (I want them – I just need to find somebody willing to with me first).

This is badly written due to my hangover. Apologies for that and the lack of f/
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:02, 17 replies)
that's some heavy stuff, but well done you for surviving it.

*click* (but not because I like the thought of you being treated like that iyswim)
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:09, closed)
I really don't want to click this
But I will.

Chin up, etc.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:11, closed)
(Post above)
Doesn't matter what you've had to put up with, you can still be you if you want.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:20, closed)
well that sounds fucking grim
but on a lighter note, it does sound like a lot of books that were on the supermarket shelves for most of last year, the covers of which were all of this style.


Edit: Actually, reading that back makes it sound like I don't believe you, but I do.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:22, closed)
I couldn't agree more with the sentiment of this post
Having had the shit kicked out of me regularly by a brother I haven't spoken to for 16 years (12 stays in the hospital at last count - woo), I can say that none of the childhood shit and trauma is gonna stop me from trying to be a dad myself. The fact my parents allowed this to happen and did nothing has led, recently, to me having nothing else to do with them after years and years of trying to build bridges that I had never burned in the first place. Like banging your head against a brick wall. Click.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:28, closed)
Don't get me wrong - I was no angel as a kid (school explusion, purchased my first car at 14, done for drinking underage at 15 plus other naughtiness) but I do think with hindsight the her reactions were OTT. I haven't let it stop me living the life I want to live. I have AMAZING friends who I love & I know love me - they have become my family. I have started my own business, do some volunteering, have a varied social life, and through the TA etc now understand that what she said wasn't true. Overall I am very happy with my life and am determined to be a good father myself.

Good luck with becoming a dad Spanky - i dread to think what the night time stories you'll be telling your kids will be like though!
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:43, closed)
Cheers, mate
Glad to see your normal n all that - I know what its like when people think you're fucked up childhood means they assume you're gonna keep heads in a jar in your fridge. Some people seem quite disappointed when you turn out to be a decent fully functioning member of society.

Oh, and think it'll have to be Little Red Riding Hood... the PVC, poppers and riding crop addition...
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:53, closed)
you mean having heads in the fridge isn't normal?
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:58, closed)
How many? I find that two is enough for my day to day needs; the rest will keep for years in the freezer in the garage. You don't want to go over the top and leave yourself no room for salad.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:36, closed)
Being of Italian origin
I tend towards horses heads... It's a fucking nightmare though: no room in my fridge for the utterly butterly. Then again, that's probably not so bad - if somebody came round, opened my fridge, and found a tub of that crap they might think I was REALLY fucking weird...
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:54, closed)
Sounds like
it's one of the few substances you haven't used as a lube...
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 15:06, closed)
After years of trying different stuff
I can honestly say the best lube money can buy is this stuff called Pjur - fucking amazing. Great for wanking, anal, normal shagging - the works (probably works well on farmyard animals too).

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of SpankyHanky. Cheers.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 15:09, closed)
I actually...
...wrote my post above before I saw yours. You, I stand with.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:39, closed)
There a lot of us
which is a shame, but also in some ways a comfort too.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:46, closed)
Which makes me think......
My dad sexually abused me, my mum pretty much ignored me. It all left me well and truly fucked up for years.
My attitude now is that my parents taught me how not to do things. I've been a great mum for 19 years and am about to find out how great a nana I can be!
I think our parents would actually be pretty pissed off if they realised how strong their abuse can actually make us!
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 16:36, closed)
Well done for getting through all that crap!
(, Sat 12 Sep 2009, 0:41, closed)
Hope you get to tell your dad sometime.

(, Sat 12 Sep 2009, 9:55, closed)

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