Old bat
I'm developing an unhealthy abhorrence towards the site secretary. She's
more annoying than being continually tapped on the head by a clown
sporting one of those  medieval jester hats you see 12 year old football
supporters wearing. She's a snob. A Daily Mail reader. Her sons aspiring
to become a Tory politician and worse of all she's a brummie, complete
with that horrific spastic accent, pronouncing the word laugh, 'larrrf'
instead of 'laff' and pronouncing the word year, 'yeeeeeeeer' instead
of, well......'year.' My hatreds becoming addictive, and like an ex
smoker craving for the taste of a sweet cigarette, I am literally
craving to smash her right in the centre of the face with my blunt but
hard fist. I didn't take much notice during Physics lessons at school,
but, the fact that I sit so close to the centre of the earth is quite
astonishing. The idea that the world quite literally revolves around
something so close to me is actually amazing, and as amazing as it is, I
really wish the centre of the earth would shut the fuck up.

Unlike an ex-smoker who slaps a nicorette patch on their arm and one of
those daft substitution sticks in there hand, I'm having to curb this
craving to smash her face via more imaginative channels.

For example, I know she is the only person to use the Dymo label machine
so every now and again I like to type the odd expletive into it, such as
'cunt,' and just leave it there. A sure-fi way to upset a Daily Mail
reader. It's petty I know, but she's one of the most materialistic
people I've ever met. My daughter earns this, my sons got a four bed
detached in London and 'I don't have to come to work you know, I could
have retired years ago'.

She can have all the money in the world though but she's still fucking
stupid.

Like always, any IT issues I send my problem to her and she follows it
through the pain staking and time consuming roots.

I can't believe the old bat fell for this email when I told her to
forward it on, on both our behalf. Dopie old bitch.

'Dean's 3.5" floppy dics don't seem to be working when you insert them
into my back end drive. When he initially tried to insert the 3.5"
floppy dics into my back end drive it didn't respond. He cleaned the
3.5" floppy dics and tried to insert it again but it still didn't work.
Apparently my back end drive is old and out of warranty, therefore,
could you please carry out some anal-ysis and advise of any virus I
might need to get rid of or treatment/ upgrade needed'.

I had a call about 5 minutes later off my pal in IT. 'You cruel bastard'
he said.
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:13, 3 replies)

I'm not sure how to put this politely but...
where the fuck are you from if the "snobs" read the Daily Mail and have brummie accents? :P
(Boar is dreaming of get rich quick schemes..., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 3:00, closed)

Why
is it spaced like that?
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 4:14, closed)

Also
Where have all the apostrophes gone?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 9:32, closed)