Sloe women and fast talkies
About five years ago we went to a friend's for a Sunday afternoon party-with-a-purpose (can't remember what, though). Lots of people, lots of booze - including a couple of bottles of home-made sloe gin. I was driving, so couldn't really drink but I had a taste - it was very nice and I remember wishing I hadn't agreed to drive that day.

On the way home we suddenly became aware of how talkative our four-year-old was, sat in the back seat, next to her godfather. "Shops, Uncle Brian - have you seen the things you can buy in shops?" Or "Traffic lights - they just change colour all the time. What's that all about?" I know that children's chat is usually only funny and endearing to the parents but there was a surreal quality to it that took it out of the realm of normality.

This carried on for the forty-minutes or so it took us to get home, whereupon she went straight to bed and crashed out until eight o'clock the next morning. Next day our hostess called my wife, asking if my daughter was OK. It turned out that just before we left, someone quietly relieved her of the plastic breaker of sloe gin they found her swigging from and which she obviously thought was Ribena. That's mah gurrl...
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 13:37, 5 replies)

Made me laugh
It reminded me of my cousin, when she was about 5, at my dad's 60th. She wanted a wine glass like the rest of us, so we put her dandelion and burdock in there. Part way through the meal, she was taken to the toilet. The waiter, doing the rounds with a rather nice nuit st George, clearly didn't notice and went to top it up. My brother and I looked at each other and tacitly agreed to see what happened.

Tears. Lots and lots of tears. Turns out 5 year olds don't like having their nice fizzy drink ruined with a wine top up, and they really really don't like being laughed at hysterically when they take a sip...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 13:44, closed)

When it comes to laughs these days, you just can't beat children.
They call the police if you do.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 13:52, closed)

And then the restaurant lost their licence?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:11, closed)

That could have been akward
Hostess "How's your daughter"

You "Not too good. She died in the night from alcohol poisoning"

Hostess "Well this is so embarrassing. I told Bob we should say something but he didn't want any fuss, it was the Sloe Gin"
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:39, closed)

Yes, I would have preferred an earlier tip-off, I have to admit.
Presumably they didn't find out themselves until later.

Still, all's well that ends well. My daughter's now eight and, due to being an early starter, can now neck half a bottle of vodka without it showing too much. Useful at school lunches.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 13:07, closed)