Mrs Quackblast doesn't like birds, because they 'flap at her'.
I am a thoughtful, considarate, caring husband and once wished to help her face her fears. Although scared of birds she is ecologically minded and doesn't like seeing food go to waste so every weekend we'll take a little jaunt along the river feeding the ducks any stale bread we had. Now Geese REALLY love bread, don't they? I think you could even use it to train them. You could lay a trail of bread from the river, across the towpath and down a track to were your wife is picking some berries for some reason that she hasn't made entirely clear. This would have the added bonus of not only conditioning the geese to follow trails of bread, but you'd also get to see your wife frantically scrambling up a tree whilst simultaneously crying and screaming for help whilst about 12 geese surround her honking for blood.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:27, 2 replies)

ha ha good one
did the same sort of thing when my wife was feeding the squirrels.
threw nuts on her and a flock of pigeons landed on her.

Ahhh, remembering the screams and crying still brings me joy.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:25, closed)

Similary nervous wife around the flappy bastards
Convinced her pigeons were just like bats; highly agile flying machines that would never fly into you so no need to duck out the way. Next time we're walking through town and a bird swoops at her - wing in the face.

Mental. She went fucking mental
(Go on , touch it, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:34, closed)