Tony Robinson
Prior to his death at my kipper-fuelled hands, Gary Coleman made it a daily challenge to issue forth a double standard of herculean magnitude. His final gesture of this sort, only hours before his passing, took place at the old windmill. Allow me to describe the scene.

The night enshrouded us in a silky blue-black mousse, the dreary moon tossing its lunar juice in fits and starts through the pube-clouds, speckling our chins and feet. Coleman feigned a lunge toward my crotch. I jerked away, half tempting the man-child to pursue his bulbous target. Alas, my cherubic he-nymph appeared less set on jimmynudgery than I had anticipated, instead opting merely to stoop then lower his squat frame slowly into a prostrate assumption that fed my mind with a plethora of notions and sinful fancies.

Time passed, my erection subsided at a conversely proportionate rate to that of the rising sun, and still my cherished, dark-skinned Eros failed to stir. I sieved custard creams through his teeth by sheer brute force, rubbing with my enlarged thumb against the biscuit-encrusted ivory that lay beyond his sweet ebony lips. No response.

Culkin stopped by for fish and broccoli. He ate his fill and left, but not before attempting to lure Coleman back to consciousness with a poem:

My face
Lingers
Large in your mind as you sleep.
Ejaculate on my
Face.
I beg thee. I crave for thine saline effluence, filling my nostrils and lungs, giving me
Hope.
Dace is a fish. So is plaice. They both rhyme with face.
Dace.
Plaice.
Face.
This is a poem.

Culkin scratched his head, unsure of his location, then galloped away, hands glued to his cheeks.

I circled Coleman’s burgundy mouth with my glans. His eyes blinked open. I offered him a Blue Riband.
“I don’t eat that crazy goddamn mofo wafer-chocolate-biscuit shizzle!” he shrieked, then wolfed the entire 350g eighteen-bar packet.

That smacked of double standards to me.
(stusut79, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:43, 4 replies)

You do not post nearly enough.
POST MORE!


(Oh - and: *click*)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:32, closed)

yes
my cherubic he-nymph ...

i love you thine brother...
(jindodsdadsdogsdead I am not stusut79, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:05, closed)

That
Is fucked up beyond belief.

Beautiful.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:41, closed)

ha ha

ah stusut79 tis with fond memories I read that and recalled earlier offerings including toad fettlers and such like...

You are clearly a great penman, but probably a bollocks,

such is the hypocrity of the human state
(The Cats Twat, Fri 20 Feb 2009, 0:38, closed)