Hypocritical housemates
First off, apologies for lack of funnehs below. This is rather cathartic, albeit petty at times.

I live with 5 girls. Being the only male permanently in the house means if something goes wrong mechanically, I get to be manly and fix it. However, this does have some major drawbacks in that if any of my housemates end up in a shit relationship and end up getting hurt, it is automatically my fault for being male and therefore a bastard. Also if they are annoyed, it automatically gets taken out on me because I'm not likely to bitch behind their back (only true 70% of the time) and because I quite frankly don't give a damn if they do yell at me or not. But this is not my story, this is just background info.

One of my housemates, who I shall call S, for that is her initial, is the biggest hypocrite in the house. (For the record, I'm in third place and rising.) I'm just going to list a few things she's done here.

1) S likes to cook. Nothing wrong with that, except she uses up almost every single pot and pan in the kitchen, and then doesn't do her washing up. We have three signs up around the kitchen saying for people to do their washing up. It usually gets to the stage where if anyone else wants to eat, they have to do S's washing up. The hypocritical part? If someone else cooks before her and leaves the washing up for all of half an hour, she complains bitterly and loudly to everyone in earshot about how "the fucking pans haven't been cleaned and how am I supposed to cook?" (The half an hour bit is true, we've actually timed it)

2) Stealing from other housemates. She steals food from people, and then denies it, despite having the evidence waved at her. She steals anything not nailed down, including showergel off me if I leave it around the bathroom. I used to wear glasses, so was temporarily blind whilst I showered so I couldn't really measure how much showergel was left in the bottle, but I recently got contact lenses and have now been able to see whilst showering. If I leave stuff in the bathroom, she uses it. The kicker here? Her parents treat her like a princess and buy her everything she needs, so she doesn't need to steal. She just does and then denies she's been stealing.

3) Sex. She has it loudly and often at the weekends. Loud enough that everyone upstairs and downstairs can hear, and given that we're living in a converted hotel which was split into two houses (the bottom half is one house and the top half is another house. We've got the top half), thats quite impressive. Yet if anyone else has sex, she complains that they're being too loud.

Those are all the major complaints I can think of. Apologies again for lack of funnehs, but as previously mentioned, this was cathartic.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 15:04, 11 replies)

Feel your pain
Used to live in a shared house with some complete and utter cunts. Absolute fucking nightmare. At least when you move out you can clean the toilet with their toothbrushes before you go.
( SpankyHanky, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:09, closed)

I'm not gonna stop
with cleaning just the toilet with their toothbrushes.

But yeah, I'm glad I'm moving out in a few months time. It's gonna be so good not living with most of these fucking wastes of space.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:55, closed)

I can sympathise
with everything you've described here. This is more or less word for word my second and third year at uni.
(Dizzy Steinway, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:46, closed)

Ouch. Thats not nice.
Thankfully next year I'm moving in with two other blokes and two women, so things should be better than this year.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 17:01, closed)

I feel your pain
Had that happen before, though not all from the same person. Ended up buying my own pans (nice set, worth a few bob) and yet whenever I wanted to cook they were crusted in all kinds of nasty funk and scratched to buggery. Ended up having to bin them after a year. To get them used to washing pans before cooking just needs a little encouragment; after washing, lightly wipe the inside of the pan with washing up liquid and don't rinse it off. Whenever she washes up after she cooks, reinforce this good behaviour by not sabotaging pans. Unfortunately, I never got around to testing this as I moved elsewhere after that year.

Get some coloured shower gel (lynx or somesuch) and add food colouring to it. It should stop her in her thieving little tracks after the first time.

As for the sex, you always have the option of recording it and then playing it back to her at an oppertune moment, or using as a soundtrack to a youtube video of otherwise unsmutty content.
(Manbearpig is wearing a rabbitskin jacket and bunny ears, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:55, closed)

Haha
Got some good ideas there. I'm definitely gonna do the shower-gel/food colouring one, and the recording the noises of sex one once I've gotten my microphone working on this computer.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:59, closed)

Objectionable housemates
...are easily dealt with.
1) Any dirty washing up not done promptly goes in the culprit's bed. Under the covers. Wipe em around a bit.

2) Stealing is revolting, no matter how posh/princessy someone is. She doesn't and will never understand life. Feel sorry for her, and the poor sod that marries her. Ew.

3) I find that screaming 'OH OH OH OOOOOOH!' just at the moment they start screaming usually shuts them up. Get some friends round. They'll love joining in.
(picmaestress, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 20:18, closed)

I'm gonna borrow those ideas
Well, the dirty washing and the sex noises. I'm not borrowing the feeling sorry for her idea until she returns my stuff she's "borrowed" or just outright stolen.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 23:04, closed)

I was terrified
that this was me. I live in a house with 4 other girls and a guy and my initial is S! Then I saw your profile and you're PRACTICALLY FROM THE SAME PLACE AS THE BLOKE IN MY HOUSE!! (well, he's near the Welsh border as well, and we're at a Uni in the south)

Hyperventilated a bit, before I remembered I have no sex in this house.

And normally he leaves all the washing up.
I'd try the food colouring trick someone suggested. Or leave a bottle of piss for her to 'steal' ho ho ho
(dragondracus, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 22:42, closed)

You go to the same uni
As a lot of my mates from school go to. And have the same name as my housemate if you are called Sophie in real life. Thankfully I go to Chester uni, otherwise I'd be yelling down the corridor and asking B3ta-related questions.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 23:03, closed)

I live with b3tans
But it's the non-b3tans in the house that give the grief. My suggestion is to find your housemates here. :)
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Mon 23 Feb 2009, 9:34, closed)