eugh.
Act II, Scene 5
Int. Night, A Vagabond's Bedroom

Delia Smith lurches drunkenly onto A Vagabond's bed. Her silk and lace Ann Summer's negligee hides little and flatters no one. A Vagabond peeks his head above his duvet, trembling, he is frozen in fear

DELIA: Where are ya? Where are ya?
A VAGABOND: (whimper) I think I've changed my mind Mrs. Smith, I...
DELIA: COME ON! Where are ya? Let's be 'avin' you!

Delia is now astride A Vagabond, screeching her war-cry to the ceiling and waving her wrinkled breasts about like a rabid harpy.

DELIA: WHERE'S THAT THIRD LEG!? Come on!!!
A VAG: OK Delia, I guess I could...
DELIA: OH! A Vagabond! Yes! It's so good!
A VAG: Oh, erm... oooh, ooooh...
DELIA: No need to be nervous, just get stuck in there. Oh! Yes!
A VAG: Delia I...
DELIA: OH! It's meaty and moist! Just a hint of fennel! Mmmmmm! Oh God!

etc. etc.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:29, 1 reply)

This
is excellent...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:36, closed)

^^^^^^

(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 20:20, closed)