My Chocolate Bed
When drunk, I enjoy watching really bad TV. Utter shite. The worse it is, the more I enjoy it. Years ago, we used to sit in our shitty student accommodation watching The Dating Channel on Sky Channel 9,000,000 for hours, drinking cheap beer and filling the room with green smoke. The entertainment value of watching video of diaries of the weird and desperate was immeasurable, combined with the fact that it made us feel a bit better about our own pathetic existences.

Nowadays, I have a proper job and everything, so my tastes are somewhat more refined. Well, they're not, but I don't have Sky. So no more Dating Channel for me. Crashing through the front door after an absinthe bender, the worst I could normally find on the box was Two Pints Of Lager. But one day, through a combination of drunken heroics and holding the remote control upside-down, I found the ultimate in TV sewage.

Price-drop TV.

Price.

Drop.

TV.

Awesome. 1-carat gold sovereign rings, kitchen appliances with fictional brand names, overly complicated "gizmos" that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever, all peddled by a gurning twat who has been snorting prozac all day. It was everything I ever wanted.

At least, I thought it was everything I ever wanted. Until roughly 1am, when they brought on the most amazing thing that my beer goggles had ever seen. I was straight on the phone. I was £15 poorer, but in terms of cool, I was a millionaire. And then promptly forgot all about my purchase.

Two weeks later, a large package arrived. I opened it. Inside was a complete set of deep purple satin bedsheets and pillow cases. Deep purple. And satin.

I put them on my bed. I showed my housemate.

"It looks like a giant bar of Dairy Milk," was the conclusion.

For some reason, I am yet to convince a lady to stay the night with me when the bed is in it's giant Dairy Milk guise.

Having said that, I haven't tried convincing a fat bird yet...
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:45, 7 replies)

I FUCKING LOVE...
Those live auction TV channels, they're infinately more satisfying than even the best scripted comedy, escepially when they fuck up the demonstrations, or when the stop the music and play the shitty looped heartbeat track for tension.
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Tue 26 May 2009, 0:52, closed)

Ooh
I bet they look fab. I would've bought them sober! Then again, I love tat.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Tue 26 May 2009, 9:44, closed)

Any Girl..
In her right mind would love a go on those purple sheets. It must be your chat-up that's putting them off ;-)
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Tue 26 May 2009, 10:56, closed)

Such a scam
Price drop TV and its ilk is such a fucking joke. The RRP is vastly inflated, it costs £1.50 even to bid, the price is rigged to drop to the price they really want and then there's a ridiculously large P&P on top.

Its kind of worrying that there are enough people out there for these shopping channels to even stay in business.
(MagicMoose, Tue 26 May 2009, 14:44, closed)

Good Work
I bought some black satin sheets on ebay for £16. I am a girl and have not yet tested out to see how men will react to this awesome bedlinen... I always feel it's too risky. Don't want to give the wrong (right?) impression. Also the duvet and pillows keep slipping off the bed.
(ne0n, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:27, closed)

The slidey pillows thing nearly inspired me to buy satin pyjamas for fun
until I realised I'd probably get in to bed too quickly one day and wake up in the garden, surrounded by shards of broken window.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Tue 26 May 2009, 22:43, closed)

The sheer wording
I'm grinning like a wanking mong at the images conjured up by "gurning twat who has been snorting prozac all day".

And the fat bird jibe gave me a laugh too.

Have a click.
(Scritty Bakerman., Wed 27 May 2009, 15:51, closed)