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This is a question Accidental innuendo

Freddy Woo writes, "A woman I used to work with once walked into a car workshop to get her windscreen replaced, and uttered the immortal line, "Have you seen the size of my crack?"

What innuendos have you accidentally walked into? Are you a 1970s Carry On film character?
Extra points for the inappropriateness of the context

(, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 12:05)
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This just came in my in box......
Here are 12 of the finest (unintentional) Double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - ' And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria .. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing! '

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - ' Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him. '

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - ' This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. '

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn ' t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew. '

5. US PGA Commentator - ' One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ...... Oh my god!! What have I just said?? '

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ' Time Team Live ' said: ' You ' d eat beaver if you could get it. '

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn ' t, turned to the weatherman and asked, ' So Bob, where ' s that eight inches you promised me last night? ' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday. '

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: ' There ' s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: ' Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis ' s misses every chance he gets. '

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1 ' s UK eclipse coverage remarked: ' They seem cold out there, they ' re rubbing each other and he ' s only come in his shorts. '

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: ' Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself. '
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:25, 44 replies)
You forgot
[some British cricket commentator]: The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey (say it out loud)...
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)
Despite having seen this before
I never cease to chuckle. It's the child in me you see...
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:29, closed)
Bob Fossill
You beat me to that one.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)
Oh so you do still frequent the QOTW
I was wandering where you had got to.

How's the new job going? Have you made sure Davros has sewn his name into his pants in case he gets too drunk in London?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)
Oi, mrthegeordie
if I get drunk and lose my way, I'll do what a whole generation of kids were taught to do via grainy old black and white George Formby films - I'll ask a policeman to politely point me in the direction of my hotel.

Actually, I seem to recollect that Victoria station is currently closed after 10pm at night which means I probably will get hopelessly lost on my way back... Anyone confirm that?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)
You're going to ask one of London's Finest (TM) how to get home? Why not just ask God, you'll get as far!

No worries, DG - we'll just pop you in a cab!

Psst - Victoria does close at 10 but you can go this way!

Oh, how rude of me! *Click!*
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:36, closed)
you'll WHAT me in a cab?????
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:37, closed)
it's the victoria line which closes after 10pm, but you can get the northern line from leicester square to Embankment (or just wlk, it's not far) then get a circle or district line to victoria that way.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)
I mean, er...
well, what I'm trying to say is, you'll have to get inside a...




EDIT: ALSO - dur! You're right, Al.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:39, closed)
@ al
I'd best GET MY sewing KIT OUT and poke thread through the EYE of a needle....

*snik woop*

New job is great thanks, but being early days I have much grown-up planning/research til I GET INTO THE SWING OF IT

Once ^ this is achieved I look forward to COMING ON HERE MORE OFTEN

How's your good self?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:39, closed)
Not bad
I try not to work too hard so i'm mostly on here discussing the finer points of whale meat pole dancing with Bert.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)

*jiggles it, just a little bit*

EDIT Hi everyone!
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:06, closed)
I Like
Big Butts and I cannot Lie,
Those other brothers can't deny,
when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung.

*jiggles it some more*
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)
You like girls with itty bitty


Still, better than alot of waste I suppose.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:14, closed)
Why is it called a waist?

'cause you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:16, closed)
As a bum man
I find that reply offensive to both women, and my people.

You're on a roll, keep it up!

*my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I could teach you but I'd have to charge*
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:19, closed)
On behalf of my kind
I would like to apologise unreservedly to all the Monkeysex's out there.

And you know what else is on a roll? Ham and salad for my lunch! Badum-tish!

I'm sorry.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:26, closed)
Paul O'Grady's being Knighted
He's part of the honour roll.

*hangs self in the corner*
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:30, closed)
It's OK Bert, it's only MBE...
A Member of the British Empire.

Strangely appropriate, I think. Shame they couldn't change it to 'Tool'.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:42, closed)
Doesn't matter really
I just saw something about it in the Metro yesterday.

It's not like those things actually mean anything anyway.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:44, closed)
Here have a dollar
In fact no brother man here have two.
Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a great deal for you.
Be strong serve god only, know that if you do, beautiful heaven awaits,
thats a poem I wrote for the first time I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate,
Mr Wendal, that's his name, no one ever knew his name no-one
Never thought twice about spending on a ol' bum,
until I had the chance to really get to know one
Now that I know him, to give him money isn't charity
He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes
And to think blacks spend all that money on big colleges,
still most of y'all come out confused

*jiggles it down like a crazed loon*

edit - why the fuck is paul o'grady getting an honour? he presents a shit tv show! They'll be giving that tosser Dermot O'leary one soon.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:46, closed)
What do you mean, doesn't mean anything?

The Right Hon HLT MBE Queen of Cake, Asparagus, and Discipline
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:47, closed)
What the flip are you going on about now, al?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:47, closed)
It's Mr Wendal
by arrested development Be-atch!

*rubs face and puts on droppy lip*

that hurt.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:47, closed)
Sorry al,
shall I kiss it better?

Where does it hurt?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:50, closed)
The shock
wave went all the way down my body, and bruised my goat.

*strokes goat*

poor fanny. Bert'll kiss you better.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)

*kisses al's fanny*

Hmm, tastes like mildew.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)
Bad move Mr Monkeysex!
Now I have you by the particulars!

(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:54, closed)
Not really, Mr al
for you see, two can play that game.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:55, closed)
Oh Noes!
How's that for a dose of my own medicine.

*cries like a girly girl*
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:56, closed)
Please Mr Monkeysex
can I have my name back Mr monkeysex please?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 16:57, closed)
I was on the phone with a client, there you go!
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:01, closed)

(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:02, closed)
Don't be daft, al
I know that you secretly want to be in me anyway.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:04, closed)
Maybe you two should have your own,
Private "Meat-Up" tomorrow, instead of coming to see us...
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:09, closed)
What d'ya say al? Sounds good to me?
I wanna have my meat up.

*gets his freak on*
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:10, closed)
^ Four inches
And a foot rub.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:16, closed)
Four inches?
Luckily I'm convex inverted.
I have a 9.5" inverted penis.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:17, closed)
Lucky indeed...
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)
@ Bert
Our spacka dog is called Mildew!

She tastes a bit like a goat sometimes...
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 18:19, closed)
A lot of dogs
taste like goat. It's like when you first try goat cheese and then associate that taste with everything goat(se)like.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 18:51, closed)

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