The great lost insult
We were 18 or so, on the verge of leaving school, and in a very grown-up kind of way decided to go out for a posh meal at a restaurant -- a dozen of us or so.

Some of us had girlfriends, who were also invited, including one lass that was a new addition that hadn't been introduced to 'the gang' before. She quickly showed herself to be a humourless, spoilt, spiteful, bitch and spent the evening mouthing off in a way that endeared her to no-one. Having been sat across the table from her, by the end of the evening I was well and truly sick of her but had kept my mouth shut out of respect for my friend who was going out with her.

As we were leaving I was chatting to another friend in the car park and she chipped in with one last snide remark. Fed up, I turned and said...

...something that, sadly, I can't remember. But it was the sort of insult that a) stopped her dead in her tracks, mouth open, finally lost for words and b) reduced the entire rest of the entourage to fits of uncontained hysteria (boyfriend included).

She and my friend broke up on the drive home.

The following day I was still being congratulated on the pithiness of my remark but oddly, not a single person could remember what it was that I'd actually said. I believe that God was using me as his mouthpiece on Earth to shut the stupid bint up once and for all, and the actual words were beyond the wit of man to truly comprehend.

Either that or I called her a hatchet-faced cum-gobbling crackwhore, and everybody was just too pissed to remember.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:07, Reply)