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This is a question Insults

Last week two kids ran past me, one chasing the other. As they passed, the little boy turns to the girl chasing him and screams, "go away, you, you... you GIRLPANTS."

She stopped dead, cut to the core. Well, sort of. Anyway, we've added it to our repertoire, but are keen to expand further our sweary lexicon. What's the best insult you've heard? How effective was it? How did they retaliate?

(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:48)
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This question is now closed.

What! you thought I was a man.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:07, Reply)
do please stay on topic, you lovely, lovely people.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:07, Reply)
you are 42 year old WOMEN????
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:06, Reply)
Mr Loon
Dont despair. I'm a 42 year old women with a mother who likes em young.

There's hope for you yet.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:03, Reply)
"Nearly fifty"?

This means that I could have sired you, as I'm approaching that age myself...

(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:02, Reply)
On a lighter note
My step-father is nearly 50 and went out to a friends 60th pub crawl last weekend.

My mother said that when she was picking up his trousers from the floor she could smell something awfull.

Yup! he's shat himself in his drunken stupor.

It's not just the young ones who like to live it large.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:50, Reply)
le femme
alright girls... put your handbags down before someone gets hurt
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:42, Reply)

i also hold a torch for the phrase "Fatty McChocolate Biscuit".
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:41, Reply)
I didn't really take offense. On the one hand, it was in keeping with the theme of the QOTW, and on the other... well, it would be a bit pointless to get annoyed, somehow. *shrug* So no, it didn't particularly bother me.

Anyway... one of the engineers here came in early one day to do some work to one of the machines, only to find that Maintenance had taken over the machine to do some work on it. He shrugged and said, "Well, now I've got to figure out what I'm going to do with this extra two hours."

I smiled and made a wanking motion and said nothing...
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:25, Reply)
TRL is no doubt above your crappulent crappola ('jovial insultery' here to stay on topic)

Besides, BGB posting 'pillock' made me laugh more thean reading through your whole profile back-catalogue...I say 'whole', I read a few of the posts and then thought 'fuck this for a lark'

and now please save future responses for the 'message me' link, so I can at least have the good grace to ignore them, safe in the knowledge that I am saving the rest of the QOTW viewing public this pre-pubescent shitcheese


*Going for a lie down*
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:15, Reply)
The press officer where I work is called Peter Kennell.
My mate Tom and I call him "Foo"...

...but only behind his back so it probably doesn't count.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:05, Reply)
Mad Cow
In Beijing recently, I crashed into a fellow cyclist and she called me 'the third teat on the udder of a cow'.

Oh how I laughed until my Chinese friend told me it was the equivalent of 'cunt'.

what a charming young lady.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 15:02, Reply)
Off-topic random thought...
I imagine that at least some of you have heard about the airplane full of skydivers that crashed over here? Well, there's one question that has been bothering me...

Didn't any of them have a parachute?

(I'll get me coat now...)
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:54, Reply)
You dont shit on your own doorstep.

And you started it.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:54, Reply)
I don't see why a bit of jovial insultery wouldn't be on-topic enough for the end of a qotw.

Funny? Let's see ...

BGB: "pillock"
TRL: "photos of mingers" (twice, if i recall correctly)

Ha ha. Bored now.


BGB: "don't shit on your own doorstep"!? This qotw has been spraying shit in all manner of directions for a week, as it was designed to do, and only _now_ you come over all sensitive? Just to defend poor little TRL? Who presumably could even deign to defend himself, if he thought it necessary.

Briefly incredulous, bored again.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:51, Reply)
I went to a girls school.
So, needless to say, the atmosphere was bitchy at best. There were the usual easy targets: the fat girl, the ugly girl, the social retard...

The fat girl was the target of this particular situation. Before I go on, though, it's not just her weight that made her a target, it was the fact that she was also a complete and utter bitch.


Her name was Jennifer, lovingly changed to Jen-heifer (oh yes, we're right clever). During a conversation full of bitching about Jen-heifer, one girl announced, "Okay, that's enough. She's not so bad, she's just curvy..."

And there was silence.

"...Like a basketball."
I think I cracked a rib from laughing.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:46, Reply)
Asian guy at my school had a middle name pronounced "fratarp" but was spelt "FARTAP".

on a regular basis we *ALL* made the action of turning on a tap and blowing fart noises with our tongues, while people took it in turn to randomly shout out "FART TAP!!"

also called him big nose for years, then one year it stopped. took me about 3 month to work this out. The guy only had a nose job over the summer holidays. NUTS! well it certainly worked for him!

all true i asure you.

i also like the phrase "fuck off" along with "wank stain", or "JipNig"

great way to insult other people in public with non PC comments is to say the insult backwards. your mates know exactly what your saying, so you still get the same effect... ish

my spelling is shite i know... thanx
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:42, Reply)
I was gonna say somthing like 'what's the point of dicking about on the QOTW posting pointless fuckspot pop-shots at people' but then I noticed that you say it better yourself:


...and don't fuck with the loon or big girls blouse...at least they're funny
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:40, Reply)
I always liked "BABYLON CUNT!"
it really has a ring to it...
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:39, Reply)
Although that may actually be a compliment.

I can't be arsed to explain how it came about.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:13, Reply)
Your insult is meaningless so therefore I am not offended.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:10, Reply)
A friend of mine gets a bit grumpy when he's drunk.
At a house party he once took a particular disliking to one chap, who he persisted in claiming was in fact a woman. After several accusations of femininity, the poor fellow tried to rationally defend himself, saying "look, I'm not a woman. I've got a penis."
To which my friend replied, "That's not a penis, it's a three inch clitoris."
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:10, Reply)
Well, I would, but...

...even I couldn't be cruel enough to make my co-workers look at that every day.

(Yes, that really is me.)
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:06, Reply)
Gizzard Lipped Frot-Monger!
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:02, Reply)
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:01, Reply)
It's funny because it's true
I worked with a guy who was undeniably ugly, and a bit simple to boot. His teeth stuck out so far he could eat an apple through a letterbox.

Anyway, his nickname was FuckPig - and it was so widely used that the boss had to stop himself (several times) from telling customers with small children that "Fuckpig will help you with that".

He even introduced himself to people as Fuckpig.

In the end we had to abbreviate it to FP as it was getting too dangerous.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:00, Reply)
One of my favourites is Beethoven to an aspiring but presumably untalented young composer:

"I liked your opera. I think I will set it to music."
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 14:00, Reply)
I suggest that ...

The Resident Loon
uses a picture of himself. One couldn't get more minging than that, surely.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 13:51, Reply)
One that I use a fair bit
when seeing a (very) large person: "a profundity of rotundity."

And if it happens to be a pregnant woman, or one who has recently had a kid: "a profundity of rotundity, induced by fecundity."

Apparently I'm a geek.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 13:42, Reply)
i once had one of schools hard kids scream the word "Obscenities" at me, at night, from a screeching ford Fiesta in a disused area of town that was a short cut home for me.

I crapped myself until i got home when i realised instead of being a neanderthal bully he had been really quite funny. I am not sure he realised, and i just heard "aaaaarrrgggghhhh" to start with and had started to duck before i heard it properly.
(, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 13:37, Reply)

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