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This is a question Insults

Last week two kids ran past me, one chasing the other. As they passed, the little boy turns to the girl chasing him and screams, "go away, you, you... you GIRLPANTS."

She stopped dead, cut to the core. Well, sort of. Anyway, we've added it to our repertoire, but are keen to expand further our sweary lexicon. What's the best insult you've heard? How effective was it? How did they retaliate?

(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:48)
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This question is now closed.

That's me out then...
I'm lazy AND incompetent
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:16, Reply)
What makes me laugh is
the word "lady" used in this context. Given the state of most of them whenever they get anywhere near finishing, "lady" is not a word that would be accurate.

In fact, if the "gentleman" is making a woman finish and she's still acting like a lady, I can guarantee that she's just pretending so you'll get off her.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:16, Reply)
Only
if you go with a lazy or incompetent man...
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:15, Reply)
But.....
Its usually lucky if a lady finishes at all.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:14, Reply)
'make' a lady finish first?
..I like that...

"Finish first, dammit woman....get on with it! - finish first or I'll...."

*splurge*
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:14, Reply)
Quite right...
And it's always nice to make a lady finish first, not last...
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:12, Reply)
And on that bombshell
it's goodnight from this QOTW
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 11:12, Reply)
Excuse me
Well, certain instances absolutely require the lady to finish before the gentleman.

It'd be bad manners to do otherwise.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:58, Reply)
Excuse me!
You must always let a lady finish last.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:57, Reply)
Could keep this going for ages...
... but the fire alarm's just gone off. Damn.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:56, Reply)
But ain't

(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:55, Reply)
Yup
Should be
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:55, Reply)
bugboybeast
No it isn't. Ought to be, though.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:50, Reply)
urgh!
In Belize , Central America, they speak a kind of spanish creole patois. And they have the ultimate insult.
"Fuego dela puta"
Literally it translates as "fire of a prostitute" but it means...." the vaginal discharge of a whore".

Hmmmm, insulty.

Yay! Last post (probably)
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:49, Reply)
Monkey Hangers
This wiki article is you all you need know.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_Hangers
It's now my choice insult.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:41, Reply)
The joys of modern policing
An aquaintence of mine of mine was a plod (retired now) and was answering a call involving domestic violence between husband and wife. As he was dragging the fella away in cuffs the hubby says - "but darlin' I love you!" the Mrs replies with - "No yer dont! I'm just yer horizontal spunk trench!" Charming. Well at least they didn't spoil two houses.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:37, Reply)
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease!
Last!
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:36, Reply)
How do all
Been laid up for a while with a vile virus so I'm just back and thought I'd add my two pence worth....

Inspired by Dylan Moran at a festival last year, it has become customary to declare those who habitually wear wool/bang drums/shake tambourines/sing folking folking folk songs with their finger in their ear/pick lentils from their hair (you know who I mean) to be 'Cunting wool eaters'.

Makes me smile every time. Thank you Mr Moran.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 10:15, Reply)
Yeah, bored with this now...
I thought that this could run and run, but, in the vein of pooflake and BGB yesterday... I was wrong. New QOTW, please...

Besides: most of these are abuse rather than insults.

Whinge, moan...
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 9:51, Reply)
Death of a RAF Police Dog
Whilst I was serving for my queen (gawd bless er!) and country, the following occured, but first a bit of background...

Every year on dog sections in the RAF there are competitions (think Crufts but with bigger teeth).
One chap had performed extremely well and had been chosen to compete in the area trials (where stations compete against each other).
Now, the training for this is quite hard (both for handler and more importantly the dog) and Steve (for that is his the handler) I apologise cannot remember the name of the dog (shame)were up the section every day for weeks preparing for the competition.

Anyho, one day turned up and heard that Steve's dog had died in the night, twisted gut (NOT a nice way to go). Unbeliveingly checked in the kennel, yup, no dog.

Walked into the section, there is Steve in the sargent's office being a bit weepy with colleagues consoling him, so I stuck my head round the door and stated the following...

"Fucking hell Steve, if you didn't want to compete in the trials all you had to do was say so"

Cue cups of tea sprayed over the office. Did get dragged in by the sargent where he warned me on my conduct, he did find it hilarious but I should bear in mind other people's feelings.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 9:44, Reply)
Wibber
Me and my flatmate used to take great delight in calling each other "wibber", as in "Alright you wibber?"

Or, if feeling slightly less festive one could be described as "wibber's jism", as in, "I don't believe you did that, you flucking wibber's jism!"

Well, it got us through 4 years of uni.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 9:37, Reply)
Southport GB ! Smacking Rodents
Go Away You Birkdale Shed Robbing Smack Rats!!!!

As posted on a Southport forum only yesterday.
(Birkdale is a part of southport and yes they are birks! :))
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 9:32, Reply)
Scouse Girl This Morning
Shouting across Liverpool:

"Chantelle look at my new phone!"

Bloke passing her by:

"Looks like something a gayer would shove up his arse!"

Me:

Snorted coffee out of my nose
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 9:21, Reply)
I did not care for this QOTW
1 line answers.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 8:58, Reply)
alright shrimpy? i know you're reading this ...
my younger brother used to call me "man mountain" and generally tease me for being incredibly overweight, aged 11. i hit puberty, lost the weight, discovered the gym, and miraculously by the time i was 13 these insults had stopped ...

he then became "shrimpfaggot" ... if i run out of things to say, i can safely fall back on this one, despite him now being 3 inches taller than me and not gay.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 7:52, Reply)
Haven't seen this one yet...apologies if bindun.
Man: "So, was it good for you?"
Woman: "Actually, I get more pleasure from riding my bike over a speed-hump"
Teehee.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 6:04, Reply)
...my first formal warning...
I used to work for a VERY small company. Most of the time it was just me and my boss, and thats it, apart from the occasional freelancer.

One night at a neighbouring companies drinks, I got a little bit merry and introduced my boss to some clients as "This is Tom, he has sex with animals" and "This is Tom, he's a cunt".

At this time I was calling everyone and everything a cunt. It was my favourite word.

Pretty lame and unimaginative, I admit. The best bit was the next day when he called me into the neighbour's boardroom (we only had an office the size of a dining table) to give me an official written warning and asking me never to call him a cunt again.

I explained that I didn't hate him, and this was simply my word of the year that I was using profusely, but if he had such a problem with it, I would stop it. I couldn't help noting he said nothing about the animals, but anyhoo.

That night, he was leaving early, as he had a date with an camwhore or something. He said he was leaving early and it was his prerogative as he was the boss. And I couldnt help it, I just said, "No, it's because you're a cunt".

Must've slipped out after an entire day of being bottled up and enflamed by the following;
- he gave me a written warning in a company of 2
- I'd never had a verbal warning, or unofficial warning, which is the first course of action he should've taken
- he called me into the boardroom to issue it
- I had to sit basically on him all day as our office was tiny
- and he was a cunt.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 5:09, Reply)
It was like
the last hot dog in the tin.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 5:06, Reply)
I'd rather...
In reply to somebody asking you to do something you don't wanna.

I'd rather fuck a bucket of my own vomit.
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 4:34, Reply)
batesyuk

100,000,000 sperm and you were the FASTEST one!

nothings worse than becoming the butt of your own insult eh..
(, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 1:08, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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