Crisps! Colleagues! Diatribes! Swearing!
My office can, on occasion, be very juvenile. There are a group of us clustered in one end of the office. We're all late 20's, early 30's, pretty intelligent and working in sales we are all sharp and can think quickly on our feet. As an added bonus we all have the maturity of children, once our targets are hit.

Football and appearance are our two main arguing points. One of our number models himself on David Beckham (to the tattoos) and has Chelsea posters all over the shop. He is naturally known as Mincer.

Another chap earned his nicknames at the same time I earned mine. A general chit chat about the news had turned into a minor argument about women, a more severe argument about penis size and then a vicius row about character flaws. I was Christened "The Famous Egghead" owing to my (apparently) inflated sense of importance and my bald headed resemblance to an egg. I quite liked this insult, and laughed.

My opponent, scenting weakness the way a shark can smell a surfer, carried on, a stream of polemic attacking my accent and so on. I retaliated, casting aspersions on the personal habits of him, his forebears and potential descendants to the amusement of all before following with the coup de gras.

He sat there, red faced, mouth slightly open, reeling at my attack. A hush descended on the room... I opened my mouth and said "I can't believe a man with a head shaped like a snack food is trying to score points off me... why don't you give up, Nik Nak Head?"

He reeled, like a man struck by a blow. I laughed... and followed up with a devasting kick to the still twitching corpse of his ego... "So fuck off, Mr Lumpy Head."

This guy once entered himself into a Most Handsome Man competition; these insults were hard for him to bear.

Six months on, he is routinely called both Nik Nak Head and Mr Lumpy Head. He dislikes it intensely and swears excessively when called either. That is why I think they are thw two most effective insults I have ever employed.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 5 Oct 2007, 10:31, Reply)