Is that... is that warm cutlery?
I'm going to try and do something totally original here, and not use the word 'thundercunt' once in this post.

Apart from that time.

Anyway, back in the halycon days of University I was, as is the wont for most students, working in a restaurant. If you've ever been through Wakefield (and if you have, God (or whatever your preferred deity is) bless you), you may know of the existence of a restaurant known as Wolski's. I used to work there.

So anyway, one day myself and one of my fellow barstewards were stood around on a quiet Sunday afternoon, polishing cutlery in hot water.

It was at this point that one of thie kitchen porters came to the bar, looking for a drink. We'll refer to this chap as John, because it was fashionable at the time and I'm not about to let the idea go lightly. Anyhoo, John came to the bar and, through a cloud of spittle and teeth and hands that were slightly too large, got his drink. He then proceeded to tell us about how he'd been told off for replacing puy lentils with peas because they 'looked similar'.

Bless him, he didn't know better (and having said that, neither would I).

It was at this point that, polishing a spoon, I associated the smell of warm cutlery with latent stupidity and gormlessness.

And from that day on, if you were stupid, ignorant, gormless or gullible you were referred to as a 'hot spoon'.

This, of course, lead to Spoonery.

Other insults that we invented (so as not to get in trouble with customers):

You HESSIAN SACK.
You make me want to take Blood and Stomach pills!
You... you... you... MONK!

I'd better go. I have babbled long enough!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 10:42, Reply)