Pancake stack
I used to work in a hotel kitchen, assembling the complementary breakfast. Of course you know that if something is free, you really get what you pay for: watered-down orange juice, shit coffee, sour milk, hard biscuits, et cetera. It's free! Most of the guests came to accept that, dining on the pre-packaged muffins when they were not too stale, but mostly going across the street for a REAL breakfast. This one guy, though. This incredibly fat man used to come by every morning, eating anything in sight, and had a new complaint every day. Sometimes he wanted steak and eggs and other times he would complain because the coffee creamer was "cream-flavored," and not vanilla or hazlenut. I dealt with it the best I could, telling him rather crossly that I don't supply the damn food, I just set it out, and if he wanted a real breakfast he could go across the street and pay for it.

One day the breakfast room was unusually crowded. In walks Fat Man. "Hey!" he snarls. "How come you don't serve pancakes? I want pancakes!!" It was the last straw for me, as I'd heard his complaints everyday for the last few months (I think he lived at the hotel or something). I opened my mouth to deliver some sort of insult but a patron of the hotel beat me to it and delivered this beautiful nugget of comic gold:

"You don't need pancakes, man!" the stranger piped up from a nearby table. "You've got a whole stack of them growing out from the back of your neck!"

Fat Man fled the scene, embarrassed, neck fat flapping as he made his exit. Wonderful.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 0:16, Reply)