Those big 'back door' style keys, with a metal bit at the end with bits cut out. My upper front teeth could slide into one of those gaps and get snapped off.
Every time I see such a key I cringe and wrap my tongue around my teeth in case the key attacks them. I've even been known to place a hand over my mouth until the key is safely out of sight. Just a photo of one can set me off.

Why? I dunno. I'm sitting here now anxiously checking my front teeth with my tongue and occasionally patting my lips to make sure no rogue back door keys can sneak in there. Urrgh.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:02, 9 replies)

Exactly the same thing. EXACTLY. I wonder if anyone else does this? I'm sitting here cringing and holding my incisors.

God and now I won't be able to get it out of my head for hours.
(Hypergluco, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:05, closed)

mmmff mmmff mmfff
Can't talk, hand clamped over mouth. Tongue rubbed raw on front teeth - is that a new ridge I can feel? Can a key have sneaked into my room in the night??
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:08, closed)

Yep yep I've got a sore patch at the front of my tongue already and I want a cigarette. I could blame you for this.

There are a couple of other things that do it too. You'll like this one: have you ever seen a glass cutting tool? Usually it's just a little wheel that scores a line on the glass, but sometimes, sometimes, they have a little row of square grooves that you can use to grab different widths of glass to snap them off. You could get all the way back to your first molar with one of those beauties.
(Hypergluco, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:11, closed)

What if it was dark though
and when you reached out for a cigarette, you accidentally picked up a BACK DOOR KEY and put it in your mouth? Eh? Eh? Eh?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:15, closed)

Or a glass cutter? I think it has something to do with the way keys are cut - the rough hewn edges of the teeth. On yours. Oh also whenever I see a bayonet I imagine it going between my teeth and twisting. Another cracker. I got that from the Krays I think.
(Hypergluco, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:18, closed)

My brother had a gap between his front teeth when he was about 4 and he often got his spoon stuck there,
and would scream the place down while our mother tried to dislodge it. That was pretty horrific but it didn't make me afraid of spoons.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:22, closed)

Yes, but...
I bet you don't often put a spoon in your mouth vertically, do you? It's crossed my mind.

We have old silver sheffield pattern teaspoons here. They all end up like scoopy, teeth-shattering blades.
(Hypergluco, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:31, closed)

Oh hell yes, the glass-cutter guide. My father had one of those.
Thank you SO much for reminding me.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:17, closed)

Too much
I'm going to have to get intoxicated. This is like a waking nightmare.
(Hypergluco, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:20, closed)

that is genuinely strange

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:09, closed)

I knew someone who 'sucked their kneecaps in' when they walked across a road in case the bumper of a passing car tore them off.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:10, closed)

How the hell do you suck your kneecaps in?
That is REALLY irrational.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:13, closed)

"Irrational" does not even begin to describe this.
Well done.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:12, closed)

Yes!
Top mentalling.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:26, closed)

^What she said^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:31, closed)

This is awesome. Completely irrational.
I have a lovely, handsome old iron key I once found - it looks like it probably once belonged to a church or similar. A lovely piece of kit, it now sits on the mantle in our bedroom, and is a useful paperweight.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:31, closed)

You should be careful
in case it falls onto your bed in the night and snaps your teeth off. Have you thought of taking up martial arts so you justifiably be fitted for a gumshield?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:34, closed)

It's water-slides you want to watch...
... I once slid head-first down a water slide (aged about 17) and caught my top two incisors in the little gap between two sections. Snapped them clean in half. Ouch.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:49, closed)

Uurrrggghhhhhh
mmmfff mmmfff mmmfff
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 20:41, closed)

Yes,
all the time. I look at my back door key and think "That would fit beatifully on my teeth and I could snap it off". I thought it was just me!
(kitescreech still here, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 8:59, closed)

That's the secret reason why I was so delighted when I had double glazing fitted some years ago.
There was no intimidating back door key to worry about any more, just a safe, nondescript little Yale-type one. I must've looked a right grinning loon.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:59, closed)