I like to think I don't hate
much of anything. It takes a lot to rile me up, but I guess some things do.

Tins of Tuna: can't there be a tin that doesn't involve a fucking briney/oily mess as you try to open them? Squirting all over the place, making your hands proper stink, put's me right off a tuna mayo butty every time.

Tiny doors in Loft conversions. You know if you stay in one there will be a teeny tiny door to the eaves. One that you need to block up with all your pillows so that the loft monster can't sneak out and kill you while you sleep. But still stay awake all night with a hammer just in case it comes to get you.

Any kind of light while you try to sleep: TV lights, alarm clocks, hall lights, watches, DVD players, iPods, anything that glows in the dark. It shines like a lighthouse into my soul and burns holes in my retinas thus stopping me from proper sleep.

Young at Heart by The Bluebells. The creepiest song every recorded. makes me shiver with fear every time I hear it.

bono:The most offensive hateful cunt on the planet. My hate in this respect is only irrational in how much I hate him, according to some, which has led to one of my groups on Fuckbook (yes fuckbook) being quoted in the press and being asked to appear on TV to talk about how much I hate that fucking cunt. Mind you, he is a cunt.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 23:47, 12 replies)

you can get tuna in spring water now
and i agree completely about the loft monster
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 23:52, closed)

It still stinks and squirts
when you try and get it out the tin. Bleugh...
Loft monster *shudders*
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 23:54, closed)

ah, the joys of a ground-floor flat
no fucking loft
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 23:56, closed)

Depends how well it's been converted, the only obvious sign the upper floor of my flat used to be part of the loft is the sloping roof in the bedrooms.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 23:59, closed)

these are nasty council jobbies
like the bastard love child of butlin's and auschwitz
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 0:01, closed)

I once bought a tin that had no brine, no oil, nothing.
just tuna, it was great, never saw one again though. Same case with boneless tinned salmon.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 2:25, closed)

My loft
is now safely locked, nothing goes up there or comes down, especially after some wasps decided it was a nice home. Got rid of 'em but I'm taking no chances.
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 0:41, closed)

A hammer?
Why thank you, that's so thoughtful. That saves me carrying my own when I come for you at night.

Regards,

The Loft Monster

p.s. please note the capital letters in my name. Lower case is so disrespectful; something which I will remember on my next visit.
( SteamedCleaner, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 0:47, closed)

That's so mean. :-(

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 7:41, closed)

I'm pretty sure
Ive seen an ad on TV for no drain, no shake, no fuss tuna packed into a can with noting else but just pure tuna
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 0:52, closed)

I just had a look
The is a 'NO DRAIN' TUNA tin available! I'm going to get some today and try it out.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 7:46, closed)

I don't see a lot of support for your stance on the Bono issue.
Let me be the first to stand four-square with you on that one my brother. A bigger ball bag never walked the face of our fair planet.
( Ramsay Tupper, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:18, closed)

You know, if you rearrange the letters in Bono
...you get Boon.

Coincidence?
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:35, closed)

You also get "O, Nob"
, which is more like it.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:54, closed)

"Sister", eck-shawl-lee.
Mind, she's right though, can't stand the cunt.
And that Bluebells song makes me want to vomit blood out my ears every time I hear it too.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:09, closed)

oh god 'young at heart' by the bluebells makes me want to stuff my ears with dismembered baby-thumbs.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:40, closed)