Trolls
I hate with a firey passion the sad, slack lipped, knuckle dragging morons whose only presence on any forum is to post a rude and belittling comment on every thread they can. Spittling bile and misplaced anger at the world, they vomit up a reeking stomachfull of ill directed hate at anyone who can claim to have even a smidgen of happiness in their lives.
Perhaps it's an attempt to make their own tormented existence less soul crushingly empty. Perhaps it's just a cry for attention with the premise that even being hated, despised, and reviled is better than being ignored. Perhaps it's even a misguided attempt to make contact with the rest of the human race.

Go fuck yourselves until you suffer rectal prolapse and die from the resulting peritonitis.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:29, 71 replies)

you smell and your mum's ugly.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:32, closed)

Actually...
It's my mum who smells, I'm the ugly one...
Do your research.

I dunno, kids these days, don't even look things up on wikipedia
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:13, closed)

having clicked on your profile i will apologise for one mistake.
however, as i have never smelled your mum i can't comment on the other point.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:21, closed)

Well...
Mum's been dead a few years, she'll be pretty wiffy by now.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:22, closed)

OH WELL FINE THEN I WAS WRONG.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:27, closed)

HAHA! Wrong on the internet! The shame! The shame!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:28, closed)

It's ok.
I don't mind.
We can still be friends.

Can't we ?
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:30, closed)

that depends.
how do you feel about friendship being defined as 'go away you startling mong'?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:32, closed)

Well.
It's a bit outside my normal range, I normaly try to be kind to even the most startling of mongs.
Are you sure that's the way you like it ?

I was hoping we could have tea and cakes.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:40, closed)

only if there's eclairs.
and gin instead of tea.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:42, closed)

Eclairs and gin ?
That's doable.
But you'll have to drink all the gin yourself.

Can't stand the stuff, I'll drink whisky.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:44, closed)

DON'T JUDGE ME.
alright, FINE then. just gin.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:45, closed)

Someone's been upsetting you, haven't they?
Boo-Hoo's
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:35, closed)

We are posting on an internet forum in the middle of the day
and you expect us to believe there are "people with a smidgen of happiness in their lives" here?
(Bushcricket, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:39, closed)

But but but...
what would happen to the ancient and popular sport of "troll baiting"?!
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:59, closed)

^This^

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:02, closed)

You'd still be shit at it
'Troll baiting' as a justification for being made to look stupid by a poster is quite tragic, you kids need to up your gameplan
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:12, closed)

Morning Rory, I see you've managed to turn that pesky caps lock off today
Or are you on the large keyboard with the brightly coloured keys today? The one which lets you hit just one key with each punch?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:17, closed)

NOT FOR YOU OLI YOU CUNT

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:19, closed)

You don't learn, do you old bean...
b3ta.com/questions/villainoftheyear2010/post1021188
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:22, closed)

are you suggesting that it's only rory that finds you arse-clenchingly dull?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:28, closed)

Arse clenchingly *dull*?
I guess you've just never had any good anal.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:35, closed)

HAHA OLI NOW LIES ABOUT EVER HAVING SEX, CLASSIC QOTW

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:43, closed)

(grin)
I've got a couple in my keep net just off this post, how're you doing ?
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:12, closed)

See above you twat

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:12, closed)

Yay
Wriggle wriggle little fishy
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:14, closed)

Troll is troll.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:16, closed)

I'm curious, but when was the moment of your epiphany, that being by looking like Dr Robotnik anyone would take you in the slightest bit seriously
Ain't you a bit old to still be hanging around the Games Workshop you fat fucking virgin.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:18, closed)

Troll is troll.
I refer the honorable gentlemen to my previous hug suggestion.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:19, closed)

Even Dr Robotniks need a lovin

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:22, closed)

Yay
(Hugs Rory for his fuzzy lion nature)

I'll go get the lube.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:37, closed)

( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:57, closed)

So you're suggesting that DukeEuphoria is a child rapist
That sounds about right
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:01, closed)

he see you trollin'
he rapin'....
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:03, closed)

ha!
I'm torn between lols and hating myself for knowing and recognising that tripe
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:33, closed)

oh good fucking god.
thanks rory. seen photo cannot be unseen.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:20, closed)

(shrug)
Right up there, I said it "I'm the ugly one"...

Did warn you...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:21, closed)

aww, i'm sure you're perfectly lovely in a certain light.
it's just that in your case 'a certain light' means the bleak despair of a nuclear winter.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:30, closed)

Soz I know, I'm having difficulty keeping my lunch down with this one.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:23, closed)

I imagine that you are spitting little bits of food out over your desk as you quietly read aloud following each word with your finger on the screen

(Bushcricket, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:29, closed)

oh you TERRIBLE BULLY.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:31, closed)

Hahaha :-)

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:36, closed)

Excellent head dobbing skillz there

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:37, closed)

Prolonged LOLs
Fucking hell Rory, that was inspired. I can't stop laughing.

I'm going to click for what it's worth.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:46, closed)

I'm lovely thanks Duke, yourself?
All the better for one of my very favourite trolls popping up...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:16, closed)

Pretty peachy as it goes.
Going to have a delicious sandwich in the sunny park, watch the squirrels chasing each other round the trees, and relax for an hour or so; enjoying the lack of vitriolic stomach churning anger in my life.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:18, closed)

Ah, spring,
and the promise of impending squirrel loving. Could it get any better?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:24, closed)

Sexy Sexy squirrels
Where's Jolly Jack when we need him ?
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:31, closed)

Troll baiting is a nonsense phrase.
Trolling and baiting are synonymous. If you're deliberately posting something in order to get a response from a particular person or type of person then you are a troll. Pretending that you are somehow a better class of troll is utter bunk. A troll is a troll is a troll.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:16, closed)

I see...
So if you got mugged, you wouldn't fight back?

If you saw your mate being beaten up, would you throw a punch - or not, in case you somehow got labeled a "bully"?

Maybe "bait" is too strong a word, I just meant "play with"...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:20, closed)

Yay for playing with trolls.
It's the Big fuzzy hair that makes them so inviting.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:24, closed)

Yeah. Violent confrontation in the Real World is a perfect analogy for acting a dick on the interwebs.
FFS.

Play with. Bait. Troll. It's all the same. You're deliberately sparking a confrontation in the safety of the virtual world in order to wave your dick about. And you will have a dick. Because it's almost exclusively boys who do it. It's the equivalent of adolescent chimps rolling around in the jungle. Only less intellectually stimulating and far far less sexually arousing.

edit: and with that I'm off for a chimpwank
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:24, closed)

Well, if you're going to get so angry about my analogy,
it kinda increases its relevance, don't you think?

Is this "just the interwebs" or isn't it?

I didn't start it here, and nor did I in my analogy. Still fun though.

Maybe you and Rory should just go lez out somewhere in private...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:31, closed)

Angry?
Christ alive.

:(
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:32, closed)

(blink)
Maybe you and Rory should just go lez out somewhere in private...

You say that like you think it's a bad thing.
What they do between themselves is none of our affair, and if it makes them happy, I say go to it.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:33, closed)

I read that as chipwank

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:49, closed)

It's an acceptable alternative if you can't get hold of an adolescent chimp.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:04, closed)

Crinkle cut or straight?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:22, closed)

Dirty bastard.
I'm reporting you to the mods for that filth.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:31, closed)

That analogy only works
if the person mugging you was only doing it so you'd fight back rather to just take your wallet and run away.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:48, closed)

I think somebody needs a hug.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:07, closed)

Awwww.
(hugs)
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:19, closed)

Weee!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:20, closed)

Wet Yourself?

Again?

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:33, closed)

OH THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:37, closed)

Alright Legless
This Duke chap seems to be a bigger Knobber than you are, bet you're glad about that.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:39, closed)

Rory
You speak in such angry tones.
Is there nobody out there that you actually like ?

Surely you must have a kitten or something in your life to make you smile ?
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 12:48, closed)

Cheers.
Although you presumably can't see this since you went waaah waaah waaah ignore some weeks ago.

Cheers.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:03, closed)

oh man, do you think he's ignoring me as well?
wait - that means i can say WHATEVER I WANT and he won't see it?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:04, closed)

oh, legless.
you really are a fur-lined nickel-plated copper-bottomed ocean-going WHINY LITTLE CUNT.

cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:05, closed)

Bwahahahaha!
Haven't a problem with Legless, but that's a class insult!
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 7 Apr 2011, 13:16, closed)