Miserable twunt that I am
The Junior School that i attended from the ages of 6/7 to 11/12 was a very cut-throat place. There was a definite hierchy to things in my year - 2 boys at the top of the ladder, the majority just below them, then there was in me 2nd from bottom, and, lastly, a boy we shall call Timothy.

This hierchy was one of, quite simply, bullying, humiliation, and physical violence. So, naturally, while the 2 boys tortured all those below them, and down the ladder it went. you'd think, being 2nd from the bottom, I'd have identified with Timothy Made friends with him, even. Or at least empathised to an extent, and largely left him alone.

Did I bollocks. I called him names, kicked him, and generally made him feel like the scum of the Earth - all because those above me did it to me, and I was in need of releasing my anger on the only person I could.

These many years later, I occasionally see Timothy walking around my local area, shoulders hunched, eyes on the floor, tattered clothes. He looks like a broken man.

I, mean while, am different - I walk around looking confident and happy, whistling a bubbly tune, or humming along to some feel-good pop on my iPod. Who would have thought that, despite our situations, our lives could turn out so differently? Who would have considered that, even though I should have known better in the way that I acted toward him - given I was in a virtually identical situation - I was the one who came out of it happy, balanced, and generally alright?

Well, here's the karma. My "i'm so happy!" persona is a complete lie. On the inside I have much more in common with that hunched, broken boy, to whom I helped cause pain and misery. How do I know this? My ex-girlfriend works in the local chemistry. She processes my medication-needs, ie, an antidepressant called Citalopram. I'm on the highest possible dose, 60mg.

One day she happened to mention, "Oh, you know that Timothy you sometimes point out at me? I got a perscription for him today. Funny coincidence - he's on Citalopram, too. Exactly the same dose as you - 60mg."

I've sworn ever since to apologise and beg forgiveness from Timothy. It won't solve any problems, and it won't even clear my conscience, but what I did was completely unfair, and if it helps him in his distress - which I can garuntee, from personal experience, must be extreme, given he's on the same high dose as me - then it's all for the good.

Oh well. Back to the Eating Disorder Day Unit...

EDIT: changed name to protect the broken.
( Matoosh would rather like a biscuit, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 18:08, 10 replies)

i just googled him-not good.
he has schizophrenia
(papa bouba slap your face, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 18:41, closed)

Oh
...

Bollocks.
( Matoosh would rather like a biscuit, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 19:03, closed)

.
mentalill.meetup.com/39/members/2974730/. Ouch.
(tty, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 19:23, closed)

...
sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for being twats as children. After all, at that age, everyone is a twat in one way or another.

But still, apologizing to him might make both of you feel a bit better about the world, even if just for a little while.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 22 Feb 2008, 1:59, closed)

.
Mental health problems can happen to anyone regardless of their childhood and upbringing. Please stop making this into another stick to beat yourself with.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 8:39, closed)

Snap
Same meds as me.
(missc, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 15:07, closed)

Hmm
Im not sure your GF should have told you what medication ANYONE else is on. And also using the guys real name (so he can be identified) may be a bit out of order ?


Still, as others have said, his illness may be nothing to do with school.
(kitescreech still here, Sun 24 Feb 2008, 16:24, closed)

Yes
Kitescreech: good point on the name - changed and etc. As for the Ex, she had the morals of a tadpole, and a bigger mouth than the average choir boy.
( Matoosh would rather like a biscuit, Sun 24 Feb 2008, 19:46, closed)

Sure you will...
You won't apologise.

You're just saying that to make yourself feel better.

You are a CUNT and you use way too many commas.
(Shmeg, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 23:38, closed)

Bollocks.
One can't, have, too, many, commas, the, only, time, a, comma is, inappropriate is when, it, is, placed, between the subject and predicate.

I hate, that.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 4:35, closed)