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This is a question Karma

Sue Denham writes, "I once slipped out of work two hours early without the boss noticing. In my hurry to make the most of this petty victory, I knocked myself out on the car door and spent the rest of the day semi-conscious, bowking rich brown vomit over my one and only suit."

Have you been visited by the forces of Karma, or watched it happen to other people?

Thanks to Pooflake for the suggestion

(, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 14:24)
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Teenage Pert Lovelies
When I was a mere stripling in the late 80s, I was a typical male teenager, in that if it was remotely female, had a pulse or was at least still warm, I'd be after it. The phrase 'rat up a drainpipe' applied.

I was a hormone-addled wretch, letching over any unfortunate female unlucky enough to come within a 30 meter radius. And this was the days before reliable access to decent porn, and waaaay before t'internet (yes kids there was such a time).

Skip forward to university, and I was still a keen student of the beauties of the female form. Although I never strayed if I was in some form of relationship (and believe me'some form of' describes most of them) unlike one particular lady who fucked with my head good and proper for three years, I would still have a look.

Skip forward to literally the very end of University, and I met the future Mrs Osok. Despite her talons being firmly wrapped around my scarred and ossified heart, I was away for the summer, letching away. Once her term had resumed, I was an occasional visitor to an all female Hall, with obligatory perving.

For the next 5 (yes bloody five, I'd have got less time if I'd shot her)years we were weekend lurrrvers as she studied, post-gradded and entered work. I 'enjoyed' a succession of crap jobs and watched any vestige of a career gurgle noisily down the plughole. Still perving, natch, but that doesn't make me a bad person as we were 250 miles apart.

Eventually I agree to move from the other end of the country, and we get hitched. By this time t'internet had arrived, and the occasional viewing of 'artistic' sites was pretty much a given.

Sooo, we get to a point where as a 'completely stable' idiot cunningly disguised as a responsible adult, I still play 'Rate the Arse' while going around Sainsburys (less than ten points per visit and it's a bad day).

What's that? Oh, Karma.

The thing is,

I've got a baby daughter.

A beautiful, beautiful baby daughter.

With HUGE blue eyes.

Who is already an accomplished flirt with any bloke she claps eyes on. Even the window cleaner agrees.

I've got to spend the next couple of decades on the alert for all those filthy bastards out there who will want to do to my daughter exactly what I spent so much time and effort attempting to do to someone else's.


Bugger, Bugger, Bugger, Bugger.

I've been practicing 'Scary Dad' routines already (she's 15 months old, get a grip you shout) but am becoming a gibbering wreck at the prospect.

Anyone know of a good nunnery, preferably with very big guard dogs or at least extremely hirsute nuns?
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 13:42, 19 replies)
I have an eight year old niece who's as cute as custard and has a worrying tendency to flirt with boys.

I'm practising the "So what are your intentions toward my wonderful niece?" whilst simultaneously sharpening big knives speech.

Having daughters (and neices it seems) is mother nature's revenge for the way you behaved as a teenager.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 13:47, closed)
Oh boy!
Your gonna have some sleepless nights in about 14 years.

Unless she becomes a lesbian.....then you'll be ok.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 13:50, closed)
he he he *clicks*
I'm in the same boat my daughter is a similar age

Me and Mrs duck have been looking at an all girl grammar school near us but I over heard some of the girls in the office saying the girls from ****** are slags so a nunnery it is then
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 13:51, closed)
Big clicky for empathy.
My daughter is spot-on the same age. I too dread the attention of young men, as I know what they'll be after.

I considered an all-girls school too, but as above, the girls school in our area is renowned for producing the biggest sluts in the city (must be a withdrawal / rebellion thing).

I have a friend with a shotgun licence, and quite fancy getting a 'heater' or two myself for the purpose of threatening would-be deflowerers.

My wife doesn't ease my concerns by pitching in with; "You're not in a position to lecture. You were shagging me when I was 14" (I was only 15 - I'm not a perv!)

I even considered sending her to stay with her born-again aunt, so she can learn that a scaly monster lives inside her foofoo and the sky will fall in if she lets anyone touch her. Unfortunately, I have a deep mistrust of their 'Pastors' and cult like church.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 14:34, closed)
caught in the middle.....
osok, i can completey empathaise with you to a tee. i too am amarried but still behave (in head of course) like a ravenous teenager. dont get me wrong, i love my wife dearly, but my eyes still wander (rate the arse, guess the bra size etc..), though i would never do anything but look of course. what makes it even worse is i work in a university in london, cue lots of young nubile 18-22 year old females and a fresh batch of them each year, its a hell in a sort of way. im 29 but still go to the uni bar, with staff friends off course, on a friday eve and drink and behave like teenage boys on heat rating each bit of endless totty and a bit of mild flirting.

my wife will be 3 months preggers in a few weeks. still v early days but i really want a girl so i can be the lord protector of her and she can be a real daddies girl, as i dont want her to be corrupted by boys who are like me when i was their age. thing is what to do when the girls get to 15/16/17 and beyond....the mere thought of an iok 'entering' my daughter disgusts me. if i end up having a boy (still would be very happy) i would obviously encourage him with regards to female company, not to disrespect them of course, but to have fun get your life experience at college and uni before finding the right woman and settling down, or not,. I would want my son to experience the same sort of experiences that I had so we could really bond. but then again i really really want a daughter...catch 22.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 14:49, closed)
is it just me
who finds fathers having an obsessive interest in their daughter's virginity kind of 'off'?

"The very thought of some oik entering my daughter disgusts me" - er, yes, that could be Nature's way of telling you not to think about your daughter having sex.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 15:04, closed)
I have a very pretty blonde daughter. I imagine there are teenage boys wanking over thoughts of her all through the school she attends. And yet I have no fear of her doing anything stupid.

Why, you ask?

This is her.

A good friend of mine told me that he looks forward to her bringing home a boyfriend, just so he and I can scare the hell out of him.

"No need for that," I replied. "She'll have already done it."

He giggled as he thought about that. After all, she is my daughter.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 15:20, closed)
@ apeloverage
and if you have a daughter yourself we would welcome any mental coping mechanisms you use, as simply not thinking about it doesn't hide the fact that its going to happen. any suggestions Monsieur ape?
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 15:33, closed)
Welcome to my world
I have two daughters, luckily they could in all honesty say "have you met my dad, the multi-black belt holder, combat pisto; shooting registered firearms dealer"?*
Seemed to do the trick.

* All true at the time, I no longer shoot or hold a dealer's licence.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 15:58, closed)
rate the arse sounds fun
I usually make sure i get my "five a day".

You have to pick five perving opportunities from the day, but you have to pick them when you see them - you can't go back and bag someone you rejected at the time.

So it's kinda like blackjack, stick or twist - will someone nicer come along later today, or are they already the hotness?

(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 16:02, closed)
@ Captain Placid
Having met you I'm of the opinion you're a big softy...but then again I'm of the female persuasion and would feel protected by you and quite possibly have the ability to wrap you around my little fat finger.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 16:05, closed)
^Cap'n Placid
Not bad.

I already have the (legal, folks) guns, which I intend to be cleaning/fondling in an obvious manner, maybe with a few pointed comments about the waste ground in the vicinity and my posession of a shovel.

I might reserve the French Maid's outfit and extreme facial tic for the more persistent suitors.

Maybe laying down plastic sheeting everywhere "'cos of the forensics, innit" might be a bit OTT, though.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 16:13, closed)
Thus begins my dilemma
As I have probably mentioned before, I'm not a huge fan of children. They're noisy, smelly, expensive and time-consuming. Above all, I have the fact that many women are treated by their peers (other women mostly) as lepers, if they don't want to have children themselves.


I really really really want to be able to do the "jealous father sits at kitchen table meaningfully cleaning his shotgun whilst staring darkly at his daughter's current beau" routine. It would amuse me beyond words.

I'm female.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 17:44, closed)
Not really relevant but...
I used to share a house with a sister who I hated. Whenever her boyfriend at the time came to visit I use to sit rocking in a chair counting from 1 to 100 repeatedly.

I was about 19 so give me a break.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 17:59, closed)
my elder daughter is 14 - and gorgeous if I do say so myself - so I've taken to reminding MrWitch of how old I was when we met. 14 to his 16. He becomes all frowny and growls "that was different".

He has his scary dad routine down pat already!
(, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 18:37, closed)
I wouldn't know
My dad actually respects me, so if I wanted to go around screwing boys that was my prerogative.

Needless to say, I didn't get to screw any boys, but I certainly wouldn't have been stopped.
(, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 11:04, closed)
as a couple of people above have suggested, all girls grammar school are pretty much the best way to turn your daughter into a St Trinians-esque flirtatron. I know this as I went to one for 6 years.
(, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 13:28, closed)
I have 2 daughters
In the ex-husband's family, his generation is all male, and are all pervy womanizers. Their children though, are all girls, and all beautiful. The dads often complained of not having any sons among them so they wouldn't have to worry about their daughters' virtue....until I made the comment that only having daughters is their punishment for treating women so badly for so many years.

For my part, when my girls start thinking of hitting puberty, I plan to lock them in cages in a basement for the following 15 years or so. That should do the trick.
That, or, they do have a grandfather who is ex-military, a sniper, still owns many guns, and is teaching the girls to shoot. (This is Texas, what the fuck else did you expect?)
(, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 18:44, closed)
Yeah, you keep a good eye on your property mate
Wouldn't want anyone else touching your stuff, eh?
(, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 0:37, closed)

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