Some people should never be left alone with children
This last weekend I spent an entertaining Saturday with Chickenlady and her two boisterous but charming boys exploring the caves at Dover Castle.

All was going well until Chickenlady went back to the car to put two newly acquired Airfix Spitfires (for the boys, although I daresay I will be involved in the construction process at some point) in the boot of the car.

We decided it was time to head to the Gentleman's rest room after a can of coke each. Anyway, all is going reasonably well as the three of us are lined up at the urinals staring at the ceiling when it all begins to go pears.

One of the headstrong twosome wanders off to a cubicle, takes a wad of toilet tissue and runs it under the tap before lobbing it at the ceiling.

"Hehehehehehe" trilled twin no 1 as the wad of paper landed on the floor with a wet "splat".

Naturally twin 2 joins in and at this point I decide to interject.

"Boys, don't do that. Someone's got to clear it all up... By the way you're doing it all wrong. The paper definitely needs to be wetter".

Seconds later, there's a barrage of wet bog roll thudding into windows and ceilings.

Sensing impending disaster, I decided to corral the boys back outside "All right, enough is enough. Back to the car to meet mummy now I think".

As we exited the loo I added

"And what happened here goes no further boys, if you tell mummy she'll go absolutely ape".

All went well for the remainder of the day. Right up until we were sat at the mealtable having dinner.

Twin number one pipes up with "PJM, what about that secret that happened in the toilet earlier that we mustn't to tell mummy about?"

Swines.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 21 Apr 2008, 10:32, 4 replies)

eek!
And after the child worryingly piped up about dark secrets that go on in toilets. Im sure she was quite relieved to find out it was just throwing toilet paper around!
(Miggyman, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 11:25, closed)

Ohhh Yes
Scene: bathtime. The Mrs is off doing teachery things so I am the bath Commandant.

With typical skill, I drop a bottle of shampoo on his head ('No more tears my arse'). Minor Waaah, soon over.

Mummy comes home. "Daddy hurt me in the bath, Mummy".

Fuck knows what'll happen when he finds out how to call Childline...
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 11:27, closed)

haha
Excellent advice on the moistness ;o)

Smaller balls of wet paper travel faster... :D
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 12:33, closed)

Hahaha
Sounds similar to a story I heard from a friend. Not sure of the truth, but amusing anyway.

18 years old, he was at a barbecue or something, and a small 6 year old girl (friend of the family) attached herself to him and was going around telling everyone that he was her boyfriend.

He took her to one side and asked her not to say that, so she then told everyone "this is Mark, he's my boyfriend, but he told me not to tell anyone"
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 12:47, closed)